4am wake up calls & little chatters behind.

Sunday, May 28, 2006

Assume. It makes an ass of you & me.

Maybe because I liked you too much, thats why I'm having such a hard time trying to hate you. I can't bring myself to. I don't want this to carry on. It's childish. Why do we have to play tricks on each other? I've been through this in Secondary school. & now in JC I still have to go through it?! What shit is this. This is very Primary School if you'd ask me. Its the typical I don't friend you, you don't friend me shit. I mean like COME ON. Is it that fun treating me like furniture? Cos' I know it's darn hard treating you like one. Whatever happened to our first three month's friendship? FRIENDSHIP. I'm not even going to go after that. I know I was wrong in calling you a jerk, but sometimes you really are one. Just like I know that at times, I too am an ass. & too bad if you think that I'm emotional. At least I'm not emotionless, like a robot.

These few days that I've been making myself move on, I realised it isn't easy. I applaud you for being able to do so that quickly. I haven't been true to myself. I bluffed myself into thinking that I was in fact moving on, but I'm not. That I didn't care anything about this, but I do. I can't stand it, leaving things hanging like that. I am not letting history repeat itself. LJW gave me hell & shit O Level results. But he aced his instead. Deep down I really am sour about it. Just like how I'm turning to be. It's not fair, the way guys can just walk over. I admit that I'm emotional, but you make it sound like it's a bad thing. & if you'd already moved on, why the hell get so affected when I showed the girls my phone. Stop showing you care or its going to be harder for me.

We're just going to be classmates for now. I'm not going to intentionally avoid you or ignore you or anything of that sort for that matter. I'm not going to hate you. Its childish and unbecoming of people our age. Whatever you want to do, is your shit. I'm just going to let nature take it's course. & if I cling on, although I know it isn't good, I'm just going to cry over what I lost. Because I cannot pretend that I'm not affected, that's why I'm showing my emotions. I'm not paranoid. I'm just sad it had to turn out this way, like it did before.

I've decided to abstein from meat & fufil my role as a catholic now. I just want to be a better person, & on top of that, I hope to recover 2 dear friendships that I lost so close to me.

Prince Charming on his horseback, marry me to your castle & your riches

& I'm lovin' it
18:03

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