Monday, April 02, 2007
Have to get over,need to move on,
gotta be strong.
& I'm lovin' it
19:39
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Tuesday, January 30, 2007
& alas, I'm back here again.all those constant '
all have gone to waste.
i'm back to square one.
what the fuck.
after putting in half a year's effort,
I'm falling right back in.
but this time, it's not the 'why you leave me like that' feel.
this time,
it's the 'shall we give it another go' feel.
and i just can't go on like that.
give&take, baby,
shake&bake.
& I'm lovin' it
23:47
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Thursday, July 27, 2006
Everyone gets tired once in a while& search for a new currency from the once-colourful-now-turned-monochorme life...
So I'll take it from here
to here;
4amwakeupcall.livejournal.com
& I'm lovin' it
19:57
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Wednesday, July 26, 2006
It's been quite a while since we shared to foot the same dinner bill, pay the same ticketing box for the same movie, drink from the same straw, the same drink. Quite some time since I saw the stars I did in your eyes, & feel the warmth of your smile.I still do care. But since you said you'll be fine, then alright.
& I'm lovin' it
20:11
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Tuesday, July 25, 2006
It came to a standstill,Now it's picking up again.
Thank you.
Then again, I don't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing to happen.
But do I really have to care?
Do I even have the energy to care anymore?
How hard it is, to like a person so much, be able to see that someone almost everyday, be around that someone almost every hour, but not be with that someone at all. Not even able to converse, or look into his eye.
Know how bad it hurts?
Feel the burn?
They say time is all it takes, & a certain amount to fate. But what happens at the end of time? & fate, in itself, is too abstract.
Maybe we give the best of our hearts uncritically to those who hardly think of us in return.
How does one fall in love? Does she trip, fall off the sidewalks and graze her knee? Graze her heart? I know I'm in love when I'm with you. I know I'm contented when I'm around you. How did that happen? I didn't take a step, not a muscle. Leaves remain unruffled in the breeze. I didn't even blink.
When I tie my shoe, when I peel an orange, as I lay here every night without you
I remain
As ever,
XOXO
PS I still like you
& I'm lovin' it
21:03
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Monday, July 24, 2006
I've been staring at this screen, watching words form. Words that spell my deepest emotions. But all I've been doing is hitting the backspace over and over again.
The distance from where I am to where you'd be,
it's only finger-lenghts that I see.
& I'm lovin' it
20:07
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Thursday, July 20, 2006
Don't be silly, silence isn't eloquent. & anger isn't permanent. So at least I know I'm true when I say I'm still in love with you.Mince, thanks for the 6 hours non-stop walking! I look foward our next outing (: <3
& I'm lovin' it
21:55
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Wednesday, July 19, 2006
The whole thing is like a frikkin migrane, nibbling at my brain mercilessly. It hurts bad.& I'm lovin' it
21:48
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Monday, July 17, 2006
Find a map & draw a straight line,over oceans, farms & statelines
I miss us
Pray that something picks me up
& sets me into your lone arms
& I'm lovin' it
16:53
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Monday, July 10, 2006
Take heart, sweetheart.& no one will take it away from you.
High Class Tennis
Wimbolden finals, Men singles category
R. Nadal vs R. Federer
0-6 6-7 7-6 3-6
Nadal, young, talented, strong.
Nadal, most deserving runner-up.
Federer, 4th consecutive Wimbolden's Champion.
Federer, My hero.
More interesting than World Cup Finals, Wimbolden brings the house down.
Classic Tennis.
Wimbolden finals, Men singles category
R. Nadal vs R. Federer
0-6 6-7 7-6 3-6
Nadal, young, talented, strong.
Nadal, most deserving runner-up.
Federer, 4th consecutive Wimbolden's Champion.
Federer, My hero.
More interesting than World Cup Finals, Wimbolden brings the house down.
Classic Tennis.
Even the World's best sethiscope cannot pick up my heartbeat.
& I'm lovin' it
21:14
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Saturday, July 08, 2006
Karma took a day off& played Santa Clause
Hello Gene, happy birthday!
Today was rocking boxers! It was lunch at Fish&Co with Gene, Ben, Claire, Eileen, Pris & me! Loved it absolutely. I'm glad Gene liked the earplugs we got him.
" I'm at some ooloo staircase listening to my mp3 and the earplugs. They're brilliant. Thanks."
Ima happy girl again. Though snippets of sadness sip in, it's not such a chore making my day anymore. I have more than I can ask for now. & it's rewarding to find my life turning out fine again (:
It's now that I realise all the shouting, fightings & rebellions were worth it. Now, it's all falling from pieces. These are my the reasons why:
Friend, Advisor, Brother.
Once, he was my worst dream, my hated ally, my competitor in currying favour. Now, mature, hardworking, responsible, sweet, gentlemanly. He's my brother & I'm proud of it. He used to be better in sports, & I in studies. Now I'm lagging in both because I'm lazy. It's strange how I'm still glad although he's more hardworking & going to do better than me academically. Not even the slightest taste of envy at all. Guess I'm just glad he's got his life on track.
Mommy dearest
Actually, my Attention Disorder Hyperactive Difficient mother maybe quite a nag sometimes, but when she's nice, she's nice. & compared to other moms, she's one hell of a liberal one. Maybe it's because of my demanding nature, but at least she loves me. Since young, she's told my brother all not to lay hands on me, even herself. Never beaten, only scolded by her. She adds the 'A' in daddy's Ben. So Amanda+BEN=BEAN!! Haha, leading me to my next beloved >
Presenting Mr Daddy Bean
He's just uber cute. My daddy ROCKS! Although he was a jerk in the past, now he's a dear. I just love watching soccer & comedies with him. His laughter makes you laugh. He's jokes, though cold & non humourous at all, makes you laugh literally out loud because of the way he thinks they are funny & amuses himself at that. Haha. He's like a 5 year old in a body 10 times its age. & only he can take mommy's ADHDness and too logical thinkings. When I grow older, I want my husband to be like my daddy.
I have a funky family & I'm super proud of it (:
Thank God for.
Loving you was my pleasure.
To say goodbye habours hurt impossible to measure.
& I'm lovin' it
22:29
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Monday, July 03, 2006
Currently in theI-Don't-Wanna-Go-Out-Until-I-Get-A-New-Pair-Of-Shoes
kinda of mood
The spoilt & pampered, they live strong.It's funny how disgustingly eeked, this feeling inside, the thought that I still like him. So shut up & smile because it's finally going away. But just so it's clear, this kinda feeling in me, it's predominantly shortlived.
Go ahead & ignore me. At least I know you're still affected by me.
Throw me those stillettoes, mascara & plunging neckline blouse. Sammy's gonna rock the house again.
Imagine MTV's Wild boys in the background, doing whatever whacked things they do, with a nice setting of a modern-furnished apartment. There's a pool in the living room too. & I'm just standing fore, hands tight to my ears, with the skin on the bridge of my nose all cringed up. My mouth is twice the size it goes and my eyes, a fine line with thick mascara and eyeliner. I'm just wearing a plain tubetop and jeans, body bent forward and my hair just flowing off my shoulder. If you can imagine this scene as I want you to, you'll know that I'd be screaming my lungs out at that. Excruciatingly pleasant.
Tomorrow's just your cock & bull story.
& I'm lovin' it
22:16
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Sunday, July 02, 2006
By day, smart, sensible office clerk with suit.By night, crazy cosmic lurve god with attitude!
"I'ma gonna get get get you drunk, get you love drunk on my humps."
Like I've won the Grammy's, I'm going to be thankful & shut up. So just pamper me with some bacardy, grenedine & sprite, fuse them well together. Making sure it's not like rich coffee and dilute tea, apricot mixed with chocolate moose. Or burn my throat down with some bitters and lime cordial. More of bitters at that. Maybe it's time to disregard all concerns around, & just whack the town crazy. Let the little Medusa Sedusa inside loose, Little prim & proper who? Turn goth for a change. Print a little tattoo on that ass, show some booty, or slap some tanning lotion on & let's skinny dip. Brazilian waxing anyone? How's a nipple piercing sound. Take a drive up some highway, mooning.
Consequences.
What are consequences? Oh those negligable resultants of doing something that frees the mind?
Consequences are meant to be screwed. So just heck it.
))Always put off today what was meant to be done yesterday.
))Stressed is Desserts spelt backwards!
& right now, I just need a naked man to call my own.
Love <3
& I'm lovin' it
23:48
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Saturday, July 01, 2006
Observe how subtle the entrance of July,leaving everything in June goodbyes.
I LOVE MA CHICKS!!!
Today was earthquaking hard core partay at Settlers. We just never cease to amuse ourselves with ourselves. & today was the first time that ALL of us were actually present! Counting the making-it-unmissable factor that it was to celebrate Min's and Karo's. All the jokes amount to everything but nothing. You girls just have to crack me up all the time, & I'm lovin it man! Not to mention that I was already missing all of you. It's nice to see all of us back. From Bimbo Sherri, to Pik Min, and Ahpekpek Zhen, these are the true moments to treasure. How many people can actually say I have 7 reliable & very close friends? I'll have all of'em know that I'm one of those. I absolutely love you guys to my grave!
Tse: " What's the modern version of bicycle?"
Zhen: "TRICYCLE."
To think ROSEMARY GOH HUIZHEN was the one to answer that. Honestly, it was kinda BIMBOTIC. Haha.
Oh, hey! Look, July's here already. And I just spent all of June's supposed savings today. On what, you ask? Well, Zara was on sale, 50. Karo's, 50. Min's, XX. Daddy's, 36. Clique out at Settlers, priceless (16 actually). So yeah, luckly 200's coming into my pocket again. I'll just have to pick on crumbs on the floor the whole of July.
July's here, so a new chance to start afresh. I've accomplished my task of:
001 Not swearing with 'Fuck'
002 Studying hard for terms
003 Abstainence
004 Not spending too much money
005 Watching less than 5 movies
006 Fufilling my promise to myself to move on
007 NOT CLUBBING!
I know there's some more, but I just can't recall. But here are the stuffs I failed to accomplish & am determined to accomplish:
001 Stop eating in excess
002 Chowing choir
003 Do what I deem right for my love life. Then again, what's right & wrong?
004 Stop my emotional fits
Guess I have a long way to go. But I'ma do the things I say!
OH MY FREAK! GERMANY WON ARGENTINA! I LOVE GERMANY DOZENS & MILLIONS! THE REST CAN JUST GO "SUCK THUMB & DIE", Victor says & I quote. At least I get my healthy dosage of soccer.
I kinda feel awful, with that sick churn in my abdomen. After finding out some things which were meant to stay under the covers, I feel like shit treating some people the way I did.
& I'm lovin' it
23:23
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Friday, June 30, 2006
If I tend towards him,but never cross his path,
that makes him the asyptote
& me, his wrath.
This morning I awoke from slumber with his name hanging at my lips. Twice. As my eyelids swung open, twice was the number of times I called out his name. The next words that came out of my withered, dry lips were: Shit, today's going to be a bad day. But as I dragged my soul off the mattress, and looked into the mirror with that familiar over proportionate silhouette back at me, as I reached for the hairbrush to brush my mid-length hair, for 20 full minutes, I failed to comprehend that smile on my face when all that was in my mind was the obvious. Getting out of bed, getting dressed, washing up, common were the thoughts in my mind as any other day, but far from uniformity was the feeling inside of me. Strange, it was. Queer.
To say I love you is a dangerous feat. Because the time we spent together was surely not enough for me to conclude that. So maybe, just maybe, I just like you very very much.
Qn: Why do you still wear the necklace he gave you everyday, even when you know it's already over & can never be saved?
Ans: I wasn't the one who called for the break. All I know is I still like him. I never stopped liking him since the very first I did. I told him I'd wait, & whether he believes it or not, my words still stand for themselves. Every smile he makes, is enough for me to last for the day. I've lasted this long, longing for every bit of him. If heaven was kind, I'd have him in due time. The necklace just lies on my chest as all that I have left from before. That's all there is to it.
The funny fuzzy feelings still remain.
The butterfly effect, highly lethel.
& I'm lovin' it
18:34
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