HOT !

2007-04-02T19:39:00.000+08:00

Have to get over,
need to move on,
gotta be strong.

2007-01-30T23:47:00.000+08:00

& alas, I'm back here again.
all those constant '~~don't give up~~don't look back' moments,
all have gone to waste.
i'm back to square one.
what the fuck.

after putting in half a year's effort,
I'm falling right back in.
but this time, it's not the 'why you leave me like that' feel.

this time,
it's the 'shall we give it another go' feel.
and i just can't go on like that.

give&take, baby,
shake&bake.

2006-07-27T19:57:00.000+08:00

Everyone gets tired once in a while
& search for a new currency from the once-colourful-now-turned-monochorme life...

So I'll take it from here

to here;
4amwakeupcall.livejournal.com

2006-07-26T20:11:00.000+08:00

It's been quite a while since we shared to foot the same dinner bill, pay the same ticketing box for the same movie, drink from the same straw, the same drink. Quite some time since I saw the stars I did in your eyes, & feel the warmth of your smile.

I still do care. But since you said you'll be fine, then alright.

2006-07-25T21:03:00.000+08:00

It came to a standstill,
Now it's picking up again.
Thank you.

Then again, I don't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing to happen.
But do I really have to care?
Do I even have the energy to care anymore?

How hard it is, to like a person so much, be able to see that someone almost everyday, be around that someone almost every hour, but not be with that someone at all. Not even able to converse, or look into his eye.
Know how bad it hurts?
Feel the burn?

They say time is all it takes, & a certain amount to fate. But what happens at the end of time? & fate, in itself, is too abstract.

Maybe we give the best of our hearts uncritically to those who hardly think of us in return.

How does one fall in love? Does she trip, fall off the sidewalks and graze her knee? Graze her heart? I know I'm in love when I'm with you. I know I'm contented when I'm around you. How did that happen? I didn't take a step, not a muscle. Leaves remain unruffled in the breeze. I didn't even blink.

When I tie my shoe, when I peel an orange, as I lay here every night without you
I remain

As ever,
XOXO
PS I still like you

2006-07-24T20:07:00.000+08:00

I've been staring at this screen, watching words form. Words that spell my deepest emotions. But all I've been doing is hitting the backspace over and over again.

The distance from where I am to where you'd be,
it's only finger-lenghts that I see.

2006-07-20T21:55:00.000+08:00

Don't be silly, silence isn't eloquent. & anger isn't permanent. So at least I know I'm true when I say I'm still in love with you.

Mince, thanks for the 6 hours non-stop walking! I look foward our next outing (: <3

2006-07-19T21:48:00.000+08:00

The whole thing is like a frikkin migrane, nibbling at my brain mercilessly. It hurts bad.

2006-07-17T16:53:00.000+08:00

Find a map & draw a straight line,
over oceans, farms & statelines

I miss us

Pray that something picks me up
& sets me into your lone arms

2006-07-10T21:14:00.000+08:00

Take heart, sweetheart.
& no one will take it away from you.

High Class Tennis

Wimbolden finals, Men singles category
R. Nadal vs R. Federer
0-6 6-7 7-6 3-6
Nadal, young, talented, strong.
Nadal, most deserving runner-up.
Federer, 4th consecutive Wimbolden's Champion.
Federer, My hero.
More interesting than World Cup Finals, Wimbolden brings the house down.

Classic Tennis.

Even the World's best sethiscope cannot pick up my heartbeat.

2006-07-08T22:29:00.000+08:00

Karma took a day off
& played Santa Clause

Hello Gene, happy birthday!

Today was rocking boxers! It was lunch at Fish&Co with Gene, Ben, Claire, Eileen, Pris & me! Loved it absolutely. I'm glad Gene liked the earplugs we got him.
" I'm at some ooloo staircase listening to my mp3 and the earplugs. They're brilliant. Thanks."

Ima happy girl again. Though snippets of sadness sip in, it's not such a chore making my day anymore. I have more than I can ask for now. & it's rewarding to find my life turning out fine again (:

It's now that I realise all the shouting, fightings & rebellions were worth it. Now, it's all falling from pieces. These are my the reasons why:

Friend, Advisor, Brother.

Once, he was my worst dream, my hated ally, my competitor in currying favour. Now, mature, hardworking, responsible, sweet, gentlemanly. He's my brother & I'm proud of it. He used to be better in sports, & I in studies. Now I'm lagging in both because I'm lazy. It's strange how I'm still glad although he's more hardworking & going to do better than me academically. Not even the slightest taste of envy at all. Guess I'm just glad he's got his life on track.

Mommy dearest

Actually, my Attention Disorder Hyperactive Difficient mother maybe quite a nag sometimes, but when she's nice, she's nice. & compared to other moms, she's one hell of a liberal one. Maybe it's because of my demanding nature, but at least she loves me. Since young, she's told my brother all not to lay hands on me, even herself. Never beaten, only scolded by her. She adds the 'A' in daddy's Ben. So Amanda+BEN=BEAN!! Haha, leading me to my next beloved >

Presenting Mr Daddy Bean

He's just uber cute. My daddy ROCKS! Although he was a jerk in the past, now he's a dear. I just love watching soccer & comedies with him. His laughter makes you laugh. He's jokes, though cold & non humourous at all, makes you laugh literally out loud because of the way he thinks they are funny & amuses himself at that. Haha. He's like a 5 year old in a body 10 times its age. & only he can take mommy's ADHDness and too logical thinkings. When I grow older, I want my husband to be like my daddy.

I have a funky family & I'm super proud of it (:
Thank God for.

Loving you was my pleasure.
To say goodbye habours hurt impossible to measure.

2006-07-03T22:16:00.000+08:00

Currently in the
I-Don't-Wanna-Go-Out-Until-I-Get-A-New-Pair-Of-Shoes
kinda of mood

The spoilt & pampered, they live strong.

It's funny how disgustingly eeked, this feeling inside, the thought that I still like him. So shut up & smile because it's finally going away. But just so it's clear, this kinda feeling in me, it's predominantly shortlived.

Go ahead & ignore me. At least I know you're still affected by me.

Throw me those stillettoes, mascara & plunging neckline blouse. Sammy's gonna rock the house again.

Imagine MTV's Wild boys in the background, doing whatever whacked things they do, with a nice setting of a modern-furnished apartment. There's a pool in the living room too. & I'm just standing fore, hands tight to my ears, with the skin on the bridge of my nose all cringed up. My mouth is twice the size it goes and my eyes, a fine line with thick mascara and eyeliner. I'm just wearing a plain tubetop and jeans, body bent forward and my hair just flowing off my shoulder. If you can imagine this scene as I want you to, you'll know that I'd be screaming my lungs out at that. Excruciatingly pleasant.

Tomorrow's just your cock & bull story.

2006-07-02T23:48:00.000+08:00

By day, smart, sensible office clerk with suit.
By night, crazy cosmic lurve god with attitude!

"I'ma gonna get get get you drunk, get you love drunk on my humps."

Like I've won the Grammy's, I'm going to be thankful & shut up. So just pamper me with some bacardy, grenedine & sprite, fuse them well together. Making sure it's not like rich coffee and dilute tea, apricot mixed with chocolate moose. Or burn my throat down with some bitters and lime cordial. More of bitters at that. Maybe it's time to disregard all concerns around, & just whack the town crazy. Let the little Medusa Sedusa inside loose, Little prim & proper who? Turn goth for a change. Print a little tattoo on that ass, show some booty, or slap some tanning lotion on & let's skinny dip. Brazilian waxing anyone? How's a nipple piercing sound. Take a drive up some highway, mooning.

Consequences.

What are consequences? Oh those negligable resultants of doing something that frees the mind?
Consequences are meant to be screwed. So just heck it.

))Always put off today what was meant to be done yesterday.
))Stressed is Desserts spelt backwards!

& right now, I just need a naked man to call my own.

Love <3

2006-07-01T23:23:00.000+08:00

Observe how subtle the entrance of July,
leaving everything in June goodbyes.

I LOVE MA CHICKS!!!
Today was earthquaking hard core partay at Settlers. We just never cease to amuse ourselves with ourselves. & today was the first time that ALL of us were actually present! Counting the making-it-unmissable factor that it was to celebrate Min's and Karo's. All the jokes amount to everything but nothing. You girls just have to crack me up all the time, & I'm lovin it man! Not to mention that I was already missing all of you. It's nice to see all of us back. From Bimbo Sherri, to Pik Min, and Ahpekpek Zhen, these are the true moments to treasure. How many people can actually say I have 7 reliable & very close friends? I'll have all of'em know that I'm one of those. I absolutely love you guys to my grave!

Tse: " What's the modern version of bicycle?"
Zhen: "TRICYCLE."
To think ROSEMARY GOH HUIZHEN was the one to answer that. Honestly, it was kinda BIMBOTIC. Haha.

Oh, hey! Look, July's here already. And I just spent all of June's supposed savings today. On what, you ask? Well, Zara was on sale, 50. Karo's, 50. Min's, XX. Daddy's, 36. Clique out at Settlers, priceless (16 actually). So yeah, luckly 200's coming into my pocket again. I'll just have to pick on crumbs on the floor the whole of July.

July's here, so a new chance to start afresh. I've accomplished my task of:
001 Not swearing with 'Fuck'
002 Studying hard for terms
003 Abstainence
004 Not spending too much money
005 Watching less than 5 movies
006 Fufilling my promise to myself to move on
007 NOT CLUBBING!

I know there's some more, but I just can't recall. But here are the stuffs I failed to accomplish & am determined to accomplish:
001 Stop eating in excess
002 Chowing choir
003 Do what I deem right for my love life. Then again, what's right & wrong?
004 Stop my emotional fits

Guess I have a long way to go. But I'ma do the things I say!

OH MY FREAK! GERMANY WON ARGENTINA! I LOVE GERMANY DOZENS & MILLIONS! THE REST CAN JUST GO "SUCK THUMB & DIE", Victor says & I quote. At least I get my healthy dosage of soccer.

I kinda feel awful, with that sick churn in my abdomen. After finding out some things which were meant to stay under the covers, I feel like shit treating some people the way I did.

2006-06-30T18:34:00.000+08:00

If I tend towards him,
but never cross his path,
that makes him the asyptote
& me, his wrath.

This morning I awoke from slumber with his name hanging at my lips. Twice. As my eyelids swung open, twice was the number of times I called out his name. The next words that came out of my withered, dry lips were: Shit, today's going to be a bad day. But as I dragged my soul off the mattress, and looked into the mirror with that familiar over proportionate silhouette back at me, as I reached for the hairbrush to brush my mid-length hair, for 20 full minutes, I failed to comprehend that smile on my face when all that was in my mind was the obvious. Getting out of bed, getting dressed, washing up, common were the thoughts in my mind as any other day, but far from uniformity was the feeling inside of me. Strange, it was. Queer.

To say I love you is a dangerous feat. Because the time we spent together was surely not enough for me to conclude that. So maybe, just maybe, I just like you very very much.

Qn: Why do you still wear the necklace he gave you everyday, even when you know it's already over & can never be saved?
Ans: I wasn't the one who called for the break. All I know is I still like him. I never stopped liking him since the very first I did. I told him I'd wait, & whether he believes it or not, my words still stand for themselves. Every smile he makes, is enough for me to last for the day. I've lasted this long, longing for every bit of him. If heaven was kind, I'd have him in due time. The necklace just lies on my chest as all that I have left from before. That's all there is to it.

The funny fuzzy feelings still remain.

The butterfly effect, highly lethel.

2006-06-27T17:02:00.000+08:00

Beneath the cOvers of Rich & gold,
my Insanity ceases to so die off a Stranger.

The word, emo, is overrated.
People treat emotional people like a different species just because they have more feelings.
& you make me seem as if I am an emo kid just because I care about us.
Would you rather an unfeeling robot?
How would you ever know how emo people feel?
If you were hurt they way they were, then you'd wonder why people think you're emo.
Emo, a word overused, a word splashed black, a word people fear of being labelled by.
So what if someone is emo?
So what.

When you wake everynight, does the sense of regret ever haunt you?
Or does your stomach get attacked by butterflies when the scent of my hair lingers around you?
And do your fingers feel lonely and empty, in need of mine to make it whole?

Are you resentful, do you get annoyed?
If you could turn back time, would you go back boy?
When you realise that it's me you should run to,
From the melancholy of the lost of love too.

When the words that you say pierce your heart as in mine.
If you played on replay our story would be fine.
Your hands to my hips, my face to your lips.
Don't you wish everyday that I'd be your sunshine.
Again.

The guilt inside you creeps all over your back
As memories we shared stroll into your mind.
Like all the truama was surreal,
only if it were surreal.

Regardless of the degree of helplessness you encounter,
Or the magnitude of hurt caused to your heart,
Or the extremes of acceptance of others.
Love is a kind of trust, that brings you closer to my side.

When you thought it'll all be OK when you next see me.
Didn't it feel disgusting, how the silence fell.
As you heard me call his name
And look into his eyes,
The rush of new found jealousy arises, like you were never.

Finally the gush of emotions fill your heart of stone.
You don't have to conclude if staying or leaving hurts the most- they both hurt as bad.
Having to see me everyday in itself is a chore so hard to fufil.
But when the surge of heat burns you up inside
With the acceleration of your heartrace
And the gentle warmth with eventual fuzz,
The worth of even being in my pressence superceeds the love.

You love me too much to take me back.
I love you enough not to demand you back.
& I've become your lullaby
As you to mine.
How ugly the sight of your eyes as you awake.
How torturous the feeling inside you when you wake to a lie.

Stop this cycle that never ceases to stop.
During the day, everything's OK.
Come night fall, unbecomings of us forces into my mind.
My head is heavy, as if I'm already drunk.

I want you back, please come back.

2006-06-22T19:53:00.000+08:00

Send someone to love me,
I need to rest in arms

Hello Stranger, I love You still.
Hello Lover, I hate You now.
Hello Friend, we're nothing more.
Hello Boyfriend, You couldn't last.
Hello Classmate, we'll always be.
Hello Bestfriend, so we thought.
Hello Fling, dangerous indulgence.
Hello Ex, it's Your lost.
Hello Partner, I miss You.
Hello Cheapthrill, I genuinely crave.
Hello Cute, & never not.
Hello Admirer, I admire too.
Hello Coward, just let loose.
Hello Addict, addict me.
Hello Selfish, please grow up.
Hello Liar, bullshitting Yourself.
Hello Virgin, I'll take You.
Hello Indecisive, I detest that.
Hello Unfeeling, my sleepless nights.
Hello Joker, best at it.
Hello Good-looking, You were not.
Hello Sleepy, You're so fine.
Hello Sweet, got me easy.
Hello Heartmelt, my essential.
Hello Mistake, people say that.

Hello stranger, I love You still.

2006-06-20T00:21:00.000+08:00

I wish I had a little red box to put my JESUS in
& take him out & MUACK MUACK MUACK
& put him in back again

I wish I had a big black box to put BIG BORIS in
& take him out & STOMP STOMP STOMP
& throw him in the bin

Get over it already

2006-06-18T20:00:00.000+08:00

Get those honeystars away from me!

I stopped, cos time won't stop for me.
I walked, cos I had to catch up.
I ran, cos this shit was chasing me away.

~~But now I fly, because I have your wings beneath my wings.~~

& I still can't fly, because you've tied my wings so tight they're starting to bleed.

Stop this already, it's killing me.
Just take those memories away, they are the ones keeping me hanging on.
So thanks for those 10 days, you've given me the stars to play with.
Too bad it had to stay short, but it was good as it lasted.
Now I love honeystars more than I love you, but not more than I loved you.

Remember, that once we had this. & we still have it, if you want it. More than those 4am wake up calls & little chatters behind, the risk-taking runaways to the grandstand, those days you were sure you wanted to be with me. Those days you weren't sure you should be with me. Those walks for hours and empty conversations, those glances I stole when you knew I was. Those 3 glances that brought you closer. The bus rides, the chitter chatter, the smses, your face, my face, ours.

The spaces between my fingers still remain yours to fill

2006-06-14T20:14:00.000+08:00

Let your love light baby
& burn those bridges down under

I had a very bad dream last night.
I felt Fuck when I woke up I didn't want to get out of bed.

I seriously have to study harder or I'll flunk mid terms.

I want someone who'll sit at the beach from sunset through sunrise
I want someone who'll sit all the rollar coasters and scream his lungs out with me
I want someone who'll sit at the playground and talk his heart out with me
I want someone who'll slip his fingers into mine when I'm crossing the road
I want someone who'll talk on the phone all night with me
I want someone who'll let go some of his dailies to spend time with me
I want someone who'll want me to let go some of my dailies to spend time with him
I want someone who'll make me laugh & cry because he loves me
I want someone who'll walk me home everytime we go out unless I don't want him to
I want someone who'll stroll for hours talking about nothing
I want someone who'll message me a goodnight message everynight
I want someone who'll let me lie on his shoulder when I'm tired
I want someone who'll wait for me when I have to leave school late
I want someone who'll appreciate me waiting for him when he has to leave school late
I want someone who'll study with me at the airport
I want someone who'll watch the aeroplanes depart and arrive at the viewing gallery
I want someone who'll take the train from one end of the line to the other and back again
I want someone who'll love me more than I love him

I want that someone to be You

It's not about whether You deserve my love or not. Can't you see that right now, You're the only person I want to give my love to. It doesn't matter who I'll be with next time or how my ex-boyfriends treated me, because I like You for who You already are and not whether what You do to me is deserving or not.

I'm so afraid to talk to You now, because I know for sure that I'll start liking You again. & for me to like You, knowing that we can never be together again, just hurts me deep. So is it better that I just stay away?

Fly me to the moon & let me play among the stars
Let me breathe the air of Jupiter & Mars
In other words please be true
In other words I love you

Won't You be that someone for me again.

2006-06-11T14:11:00.000+08:00

I lost my Boyfriend to lan

Rain, rain go away
come again another day
Rain, rain go away
So Sammy can study today

Haha, it's official. BENJAMIN FOO SECK TUAN IS SUPER UBER CUTE!

2006-06-10T21:32:00.000+08:00

Only October knows, &
always is

Karo was right when she said I'd take the quiz.
(:

(1) I am Dying to watch World Cup.

(2) Yesterday I was Watching World Cup.

(3) Maybe I should Sleep & hope to dream myself watching the match, better yet, watch the match at Germany itself.

(4) I love Roses & Diamonds.

(5) I don't understand Why he had to do this to me.

(6) I lost my Boyfriend to lan

(7) My girl/boyfriend is SHERRI ANNE BERNADETTE CHOO HUI YI now.

(8) People say I am like a bimbo, which I obviously am not

(9) Love is the best thing that could happen to anybody.

(10) Somewhere, someone is sitting on the toilet bowl thinking why his shit had to come at this time when a goal is being scored. He must feel like what he's emmitting out of his anus.

(11) I will always club a max of once a month.

(12) Forever is the word that comes with 'together' on those necklaces & chains.

(13) I never want to have to go broke ever again.

(14) I think the current President is Goh Chok Tong? Or was he the prime minister?

(15) When I woke up in the morning I wanted to do some math before tuition but ended up falling back asleep on the couch.

(16) Life is full of unpredictability

(17) My past is essential for me to move on also dragging me from moving on

(18) I get annoyed when People try to boss me around.

(19) Parties are for All the happy people in the world

(20) I wish my prince charming on a charming white horse will pick me up one day & bring him to his enchanting castle & marry me to him (& his riches of course)

(21) My pet is are.

(22) Kisses are the worst when The guy just had garlic or something was stuck in his teeth.

(23)Today 6 hours straight of math.

(24) Tomorrow I'm going to Make sure I study History

(25) I really want to travel Europe this year.

(26) I have low tolerance for people who Eat noisily & disgustingly

(27) If I had a million dollars I would be the best slimming method any wallet ever had.

2006-06-10T10:47:00.000+08:00

The sunrise never beats sunset

As I awoke from slumber today, Mr Bennett Ong greeted me with a message:

ha i had a dream that me you edwin and jlee went to ghim moh. and that reminded me of our outing. so when are you free?

& !!! GERMANY

& a hundred bucks in my pocket!!!

These things just made my day. Thank you.

Now I can't put my finger as to whether I've given up or I've let it go.

2006-06-08T17:13:00.000+08:00

Until she caresses your skin,
the summer skies remain

& I'm still waiting, as I said I would have.

I miss you HUIZHEN
I miss you TSE MIN
I miss you BENNETT
I miss you MINDY
I miss you PAUL
I miss you ALVAN
I miss you ZENG
I miss you ISABEL
I miss you MATHIEU
I miss you DARREN
I miss you JIA WEI
I miss you MS LEE
I miss you CLAIRE
I miss you BRENDAN
I miss you EILEEN
I miss you AMANDA TEE
I miss you SZE
I miss you JACINTA TAN
I miss you BENJAMIN LIM
I miss you BENJAMIN SEE
I miss you NICHOLAS SCORPIAN
I miss you TERRENCE
I miss you NATALINA
I miss you RACHEL
I miss you EVANGELINE
I miss you CLEMENT
I miss you SOOBERT
I miss you TUCK YEW
I miss you most, BORIS

I DON'T miss you PURSELYN
I DON'T miss you SHERRI
I DON'T miss you NESS
I DON'T miss you KARO
I DON'T miss you JERD

& I don't know why. Haha.

So wear this necklace on me once more, & I swear it will never come off again

2006-06-07T19:33:00.000+08:00

You just made my days brighter. Thank you.

2006-06-06T22:44:00.000+08:00

Colour me blind with black & white
I'd still be able to see you in red.

01/ I absolutely loved today with KAROLYN. BF no.1 remember Karo? Yes you do. XMEN was aite. Not so bombastic, but it rocked nevertheless. However, there were these 2 idiots behind who talked so loudly. One had to pick a call & he just started ranting in hokkien. Disturbing. & the next hour or so was spent on the train to Changi. Studied a little then
02/ Went to send juniors off to Czech.
03/ The highlight of the day, though, was this:

Sam > Hey boris, its been a while. So i wanted to drop this msg by to say hi. Anyhow, hope you're enjoying your holidays :D

2 hours later, when I coincidentally went to the toilet & left my phone for Karo to fiddle

Boris Choy> I'm doing fine:) yeah. Hows yours? Haha.

(: (: (: (: (: (: (: (: (: (: (: (: (: (: (: (: (: (: (: (: (: (: (: (: (: (: (: (:

I'm just glad.

2006-06-06T11:03:00.000+08:00

I dreamt of him last night
& it made me smile when I woke up

I dreamt that Jia Wei & I became friends again. Close friends for that matter. As in, we were not friends in the dream still & we worked things out. I was delighted when I woke up because I know this would be a happy day. It just put a wide grin on my face when I woke up (: & I dreamt of secondary school people. Like Theron. Hahaha. Ok, so that was my dream. Yay.

I'm off to meet Sherri & Jerd at Jurong Library now. To get Karo's jacket. Then I'm FINALLY going to watch XMEN III!!!! With Karo at JP. Then we're going down all the way to the other side, the AIRPORT to study. Because juniors are going off to Czech for choir competition so I have to go send them off at 7pm. So Karo, BEING THE SWEET GIRL SHE ALREADY IS (you know I don't mean it (: haha) is sooo kind to accompany me & study too. Ahahaha. I <3 you Karo.

People to go out with in June:
/ Edwin
/ Sirong (my, he looks so good now I couldn't take my eyes off him)
/ Jia Wei
/ Bennett
/ Bushy
/ Karo
/ Zhen
/ Tse
/ Min
/ Ness
/ Sherri
/ Jerd
/ Claire
/ Benjy
/ Eileen
/ Brendan
/ Purse
/ Isabel
/ I wanna go out with Boris but that's impossible

Brews with Anne Choo yesterday was Fab. Thanks babe for 'studying' with me. Loves you babe. Sherri's my Boyfriend now. She's my BF. Haha.

2006-06-05T19:10:00.000+08:00

Lying close to you
Hearing your heart beating

You know I didn't mean the things I said, the cold stare at you.
You know I can't bear to see you hurt.
I know I still care dearly for you the same.
So shall we stop playing this game,
it's killing me, I can't find the cure for this pain.

You don't understand why I can't look in your eye anymore.
You don't want to even be with me.
I could never see you the way I used to.
Or talk to you & tug at you,
& feel your breath just above my forehead too.

You probably forgotten all about us & our times.
You probably wish you don't know me.
I, however have you etched inside so deep.
& I'm glad fate got us to meet,
Under the covers dreaming when I'm asleep.

You just have to know I'll be there waiting at the end.
You just have that unmatchable charm.
I just want you to be happy every day.
That smile on your face may I say,
Puts a smile on my face too in every way.

2006-06-05T01:07:00.000+08:00

I miss you, I'm hating this
& I miss us

I caught the KARO cold. I'm doing quizzes. MANY MANY (:

i think my posts need a bit more colour right? hahas =D
quizzes ! (:

* You can only say YES or NO.
** You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING unless someone comments and asks!

1. Taken a picture naked? YES
2. Painted your room? YES
3. Made out with a member of the same sex? YES
4. Drove a car? YES
5. Danced in front of your mirror? YES
6. Had a crush? YES
7. Been dumped? YES
8. Stole money from a friend? NO
9. Gotten in a car with people you just met? YES
10. Been in a fist fight? YES
11. Snuck out of your house? YES
12. Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back? YES
13. Been arrested? NO
14. Made out with a stranger? NO
15. Met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere? YES
16. Left your house without telling your parents? YES
17. Had a crush on your neighbour? YES
18. Ditched school to do something more fun? YES
19. Slept in a bed with a member of the same sex? YES
20. Seen someone die? NO
21. Been on a plane? YES
22. Kissed a picture? YES
23. Slept in until 3PM? YES
24. Love or miss someone right now? YES
25. Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? YES
26. Made a snow angel? NO
27. Played dress up? YES
28. Cheated while playing a game? YES
29. Been lonely? YES
30. Fallen asleep at school? YES
31. Been to a club? YES
32. Felt an earthquake? NO
33. Touched a snake? NO
34. Ran a red light? YES
35. Been suspended from school? NO
36. Had detention? NO
37. Been in a car accident? NO
38. Hated the way you look? YES
39. Witnessed a crime? NO
40. Pole danced? YES
41. Been lost? YES
42. Been to the opposite side of the country? YES
43. Felt like dying? YES
44. Cried yourself to sleep? YES
45. Sang karaoke? YES
46. Sucked your thumb? YES
47. Done something you told yourself you wouldn't do? YES
48. Laughed till some kind of beverage came out of your nose? NO
49. Caught a snowflake on your tongue? YES
50. Kissed in the rain? NO
51. Sing in the shower? YES
52. Made love in a park? NO
53. Had a dream that you married someone? YES
54. Glued your hand to something? YES
55. Got your tongue stuck to a flag pole? NO
56. Ever gone to school partially naked? NO
57. Been a cheerleader? NO
58. Sat on a roof top? NO
59. Didn't take a shower for a week? NO
60. Ever too scared to watch scary movies alone? YES
61. Played chicken? NO
62. Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? YES
63. Been told you're hot by a complete stranger? YES
64. Broken a bone? YES
65. Been easily amused? YES
66. Laugh so hard you cried? YES
67. Mooned/flashed someone? NO
68. Cheated on a test? YES
69. Forgotten someone's name? YES
70. Slept naked? NO
71. Gone skinny dipping in a pool? NO
72. Performed on stage? YES
73. Blacked out from drinking? NO
74. Played a prank on someone? YES
75. Gone to a late night movie? YES
76. Made love to anything not human? NO
77. Failed a class? YES
78. Choked on something you're not supposed to eat? NO
79. Played an instrument for more than 10 hours? NO
80. Cheated on a girl/boyfriend? NO
81. Did you celebrate the 4th of July? YES
82. Thrown strange objects? YES
83. Felt like killing someone? YES
84. Thought about running away? YES
85. Ran away? YES
86. Did drugs? NO
87. Had detention and not attend it? NO
88. Dumped anyone? YES
89. Made a parent cry? YES
90. Cried over someone? YES
91. Owned more than 5 sharpies? NO
92. Dated someone more than once? YES
93. Have/had a dog? YES
94. Own an instrument? YES
95. Been in a band? YES
96. Drank 25 sodas in a day? NO
97. Broken a cd? YES
98. Shot a gun? YES
99. Dated a married person of the opposite sex? NO
100. Written a love letter? YES

That's one done, many to come (:

Name 3 things in your purse/BAG/pocket :
#wallet
#NEW PUMA JACKET
#math file

Name 3 things you do when you're really stressed:
#cry
#swear
#lock myself in my room, start screaming & throwing things around

Name 3 favorite places to shop :
#zara
#far east
#guess

Name 3 places you go on a daily basis:
#the fridge
#my cupboard
#the couch

Name 3 favorite fruits:
#orange
#watermelon
#papaya

Three names you go by:
#Samantha Foo Shi-Yin
#Sam (Foo)
#Yanny < family calls me that

Three things you are wearing right now:
#white tee
#black shorts
#skin coloured undies

Who is in the house with you?
# Mum, at the dining.
# Dad, in his bed
# Bro, in his bed
# Maid, in her bed
# Dog, in his bed
# Dog, in his bed
# Me, at the comm

Who did you get this survey from?
# THE PERSON WHO GOT ME QUIZ INFECTED, KAROLYN GANNNN!

Who are you thinking about right now?
# Brendan Chai

Who did you last talk to on the phone?
# Brendan Chai

Whose birthday is next?
# Goh Song Yao. 9th June.

Who do you wish you were with right now?
# The Boring guy.

Where do you live?
# Ulu Pandan Rd. Its called Ulu for a reason.

Where is your pillow?
# Awaiting my royal head to rest on it. ON THE BED?

Where are your parents?
# at home

Where do you sleep?
# My queen sized queen like bed.

Where did you get the shirt you're wearing?
# Squash zonal, individual event.

Where is the last place you took a ride to?
# Thompson plaza, just now (:

Where in your house are you?
# Err. I don't know what part this is called. Its not the dining, living. So it's the studying? Haha.
What was the last thing you ate?
# TOMYAM CUP NOODLES!

What color shirt are you wearing?
# white

What is the closest item near you that is black?
# My shorts. Close enough to hug my tree trunk thighs.

What is your favorite color?
# GOLD

What kind of surgery have you had?
# Broke my arm, so had to fix it back.

What do you wear more; jeans or shorts?
# shorts.

What is the last movie you watched?
# SERENDIPITY. Just an hour ago at Claire's with Brendan, Mark, John, Talun & Ashley.

What song do you currently hear?
#Fart, my mum.

What was your dream last night?
# I started smoking. Boris was smoking too, with Gene, Alvin & Ben. I managed to take a puff & stepped on the cigeratte, & was devastated that Boris started smoking too.

When did you start school?
# 3, at child care.

When is your birthday?
# TWELVE APRIL!!!!!!

When did you last go to the mall?
# Today, with mummy. Shopping Spreeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

When was the last time you bought a pair of pants?
# about 3 weeks ago from Zara, 2 shorts.

When did you last burn a candle?
# Qibin's birthday!

When did you last see your dad?
# 45mins ago.

When did you last see your mom?
# She's right beside me.
When did you last see your best friend?
# MANY MANY BEST FRIENDS. SO I DON'T KNOW.

When did you last see someone you love ?
# 29th May this year. At chem & history lect.

SOMEMORE!!!

THE WHO'S

=) Who is in the room with you?
- My 2 dearies. Plenty & Bounty Foo. Plus that moth on the wall.

=) Who was the last person to IM you?
- Karolyn Gan

=) Who are you thinking about now?
- Boris

=) Who did you last talk to on the phone.
- Brendan Chai

=) Who's house did you last go to?
- CLAIRE CHUA's

=) Who do you wish were here right now?
- Purse, Isabel, Byron, Jerome, Sherri, Ness, Min, Karo, Babes, Zhen, Tse, Lumpy John, Brendan, Claire, Eileen, Sirong, Edwin, Bennett, Bushy, Jiawei. (& Boris)

=) Who gets on your nerves the most from your school?
- The person who doesn't go by the name James.

THE WHERE'S

=) Where do you go to school?
- Catholic Junior College

=) Where is your phone?
- Right hand side, beside the mouse

=) Where is your mom?
- Sleeping beside my dad.

=) Where do you sleep?
- good question.

=) Where do you shop the most?
- I realised its Zara &/or far east.

=) Where did you get the shirt you're wearing?
- Squash zonals, individual category

=) Where in your room are you?
- right bottom corner

THE WHAT'S

=) What was the last thing you ate?
- Tomyam Cup Noddles

=) What is the closest item near you that is blue?
- The Prolink Hurricane 9000W internet connection

=) What do you like about school?
- CHOWING, Cool friends, 1T08:01, 1T10:02, Fruits & Juices, Yong Tau Foo, OMG THE GRANDSTANDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!

=) What are you wearing on your feet?
- Its bare naked

=) What instant messaging service do you use?
- Msn 7.0?

=) What is your favorite color?
- Gold, Navyblue, Black, HOT RED

=) What is your favorite website?
- youlovesam.blogspot.com < that's why you love sam.

=) What is your favorite shoe brand?
- NIKE hands down.

=) What do you wear more; jeans or skirts?
- skirts.

THE WHY'S=)

Why do we have to go to school?
- To learn to be creative & critical thinkers, so we can further our studies & become sucessful individuals to help our economy grow, so that Singapore can compete in the global market & her society can benefit from the robust economy & lead better & upgraded lifestyles. Thank you.

=) Why are your best friends your best friends?
- They catch my vibe & I catch theirs. Simple as ABC! Haha. & I love them MUCHIES!!
Be honored> clique ditseys 10 girls Ed&gang Clement

=) Why do the people on the news repeat the same stuff over?
- Because they know people don't listen.

=) Why is everyone obsessed over the Olympics?
- Because they have to watch Sam win every single thing!! & they never get tired of it. HAHA.

THE WHEN'S

=) When did you start school?
- 3 years old.

=) When is your birthday?
- 12 APRIL 1989

=) When did you last go to the mall?
- Just now, Sunday afternoon. With Mummy. Shopping Spreeeee!

=) When did you last buy a new pair of pants?
- 3 weeks ago

=) When were you last at school?
- Choir + Hist lect + Chem lect. 29 May 06.

=) When did you last see your dad?
- An hour ago before he hit the sheets.

I'M NOT TIRED YET SO, MORE!!!!! (promise it's the last for today)

S W E A R - T R U T H F U L L Y

Do you love someone?
^ Yes, very much.

Does he/she know it?
^ Don't think so.

Simple or complicated?
^Complicated, but quite simple too.

IN - THE - PAST - MONTH - HAVE - YOU

Bought something?
^ YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES! HOW NOT TO?!?!?!

Gotten sick?
^ YES. All kinds of sickness. From viral to sore throat to lovesickness.

Been hugged?
^ (: yes !

Talked to an ex?
^ yes.

Missed someone?
^ Many times yes, the same someone.

Failed a test?
^ Every one!

Ate cereal?
^ Just at Claire's. I LOVE HONEY STARRRRRSSSSS!

Gotten your hair cut?
^ I CAN'T WAIT FOR IT TO GROW BACK. CUT?!?!?!?!?!

Nervous habits?
^ Yes. Everytime I saw Boris I wouldn't know what to do. So I do the obvious by ignoring the problem. I wish I just said hi.

H A V E - Y O U - E V E R

Said "I Love you"?
^ yeap.

Given money to a homeless person?
^ Of course!

Smoked?
^ No. ( Yes in my dreams last night.)

Waited all night for a phone call?
^ Waiting many nights for a phone call.

M A N N E R S

Do you swear?
^ It's hard not to when you're in CJC?

You cook your own food?
^ Definitely. I'm a good cook ok! Those who tried my BROWNIES would die for another.

You like pepsi or coke?
^ Pepsi.

You own a cat?
^ NO! NEVER! (Sorry Min)

You spend your money ?
^ I have to. That's why it's called allowance.

Do you like to swim?
^ I've been swimming since like what, 2? Duh I love swimming!!

When you get bored do you call a friend?
^ Sometimes.

D O - Y O U - P R E F E R

Flowers or angels?
^ I have a soft spot for roses.

Gray or black?
^ BLACK

Color or black and white photos?
^ Colour please.

Hook up or love?
^ L o v e .

Sunrise or sunset?
^ The sunset is too beautiful.

M&Ms or Skittles?
^ I love chocolate.

Jazz or classic?
^ Classic. I HATE JAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Being hot or cold?
^ I've never really tried cold. (((:

Winter or Fall?
^ I love snow. It's uber beautiful!

Left or right?
^ Left

Having 10 acquaintances or 2 best friend?
^ 10 acquintances who are all like best friends = 10 BEST FRIENDS!!

Sunshine or rain?
^ Rain. Love it's solemnity.

Vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream?
^ BAILEYS!!!!!

Boys or girls?
^ I'd like 2 or more boys before the girl comes.

P E R S O N A L

Kissed someone in the past month?
^ No.

Have u ever wanted to die?
^ I refrain from such thoughts.

Have u ever thought of killing someone?
^ Yes. Many times.

Ever been in love?
^ Yes.

Thought about getting married?
^ Yes, haha many times too.

Want to have kids?
^ OBVIOUSLY!! I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE kids!!!

T H E - L A S T

Person u talked to on the phone?
^ Brendan Chai

Thing u eat/drink?
^ Drank plain water last.

number 2 >

01. Eyeliner or Mascara?
- eyeliner, can't live without it!

02. Disney films or gore films?
- Where's the thrill in disney films? I'd go gore.

03. Skirts or jeans?
- skirts.

04. Socks or leggings?
- Socks, low cut or ankle please.

05. Hoodies or jackets?
- jackets.

06. Heels or sneakers?
- HEELS ARE MY LIFE!

07. Straight or curly hair?
- Curly wurly!

08. Hoop or dangling earrings?
- Love both equally fine.

09. Side bangs or one lengthed?
- 1 length

10. Your fav colors:
- Gold, Black, Indigo, BRIGHT HOT RED.

11. Victoria Secret or Bath and Body?
- Vic's

12. Smoothies or lattes?
- Lattes man.

13. Diet or regular sodas?
- Regular ones tastes better.

14. Water or daquiris?
- Water please.

15. Diamonds or pearls?
- Kill yourself if you don't already know.

16. Marykate or Ashley Olsen?
- Neither.

17. This or That?
- That.

18. Ipod or cell phone?
- Cell.

19. Friends or family?
- Considering my family are like my friends, and my friends are like family, I choose not to answer. Ha.

20. Lip gloss or chapstick?
- Lipgloss. But usually I don't wear them.

21. Manicure or pedicure?
- Manicure.

22. Love or peace?
- Love.

23. Sunglasses or purses?
- SHADES ALL THE WAY. (I love you too purse!)

What you have:
[x] an MP3 player/ipod/anything like that
[x] tiffany's jewelry.
[x] computer
[] a cd player.
[] a stereo.
[x] a spice girl cd.
[x] Something Lace
[] a vogue magazine
[] a cosmo magazine.
[x] a teddy bear.
[] a build a bear.
[] an Aeropostale purse.
[] a hot topic shirt.
[] an aeropostale shirt.
[x] the mean girls dvd/vd
[] a TV in my room.
[x] diamond earrings
[x] a pearl necklace.
[x]a homecoming/prom dress
[x] a book.
[x] perfume.
[] g-unit sneakers.
[x] a black t-shirt.
[x] abercrombie shirt
[x] pink nail polish
[] AE or Aeropostal Pants
[x]A pink shirt
[x]More than 4 pairs of shoes
[]Bows

Girl Knowledge:

Do you know exactly where the blush goes?
- Yes. It goes on the higher cheeks & on the chin to add that sporty look.

Would you say you know how to put on make up?
- Ever since Sec 1, yes.

Do you know how to french braid?
- Sadly, my hands are like pig trotters so no.

Do you wash your face once a day?
- Even if I don't wanna, Mummy forces me to. For those who don't already know, my mum is a beauty therapist.

Do you use an eyelash curler?
- No, don't need it.

Do you use waterproof mascara?
- Yes, & lovin it.

How much do you pay for make up?
- $0.00. Mummy pays for them.

number 3 >

ARE YOU .

Sensitive : Yes I am.
Easily hurt : Depends on which aspect hurt is coming from.
Calm : Steady man.
Quiet : -Stares at everyone who knows me. YES I AM!
Choosy : When it comes to FOOD OR CLOTHES.
Active : I inherited my mum'a ADHD (Attention Disorder Hyperactive Defficiancy) genes.
Very shy : I won't even dare to look you in the eye!
Confident in yourself : I'm very shy, said already!
Brand-conscious : Oooh yes.
A good listener : < funny how that's exactly what my name means. Haha.
Easily bored : Very!
Outgoing : I'm very shy.
Open-minded : Haha. Am I open-minded?????????
An only child : NOPE. I have a brother who's turing to be a sweetie.
Happy at the moment : No, kinda irritated actually.
Tired : Yes, its 215am, I guess I have to be.
Playing any online games : If hitting the button with the alphabets on the keyboard is a game, then yes I'm playing a really fun game.
Good at chess : Suck at it.

DO YOU .

Believe in ''love at first sight'' : Yes.
Have someone you really care about : Yes, I have many. But sorry girls, Boris is still on top of the list.
Believe in love : Yes.
Ever cheated on a test : Ever?
Play the guitar : Yes, tried.
Play the piano : Since 3 years old.
Play the drums : Tried that too.
Like your life : I'm psyco-ing myself to do that.
Like school : YES!
Like dancing : Absolutely man
Like sweets : They keep me from falling asleep. But I don't want too many cos' it'll get too sweet.
Like travelling : EVERY BIT OF MY BODY!
Own an xbox/ps2 : Yes, share with my Bro.
Like SpongebobSsquarepants : It cracks me up.
Ride a bike : Rode Adrian's bike once. Determined to ride a bike soon.
Read Harry Potter : NEVER. That think stack of paper & words that mean blank?
Read a lot : NO!
Play basketball : Sec 2 & 3.
Play badminton : For leisure.
Play tennis : Been at it since Pri 3.
Play bowling : Yes, bowled alot with my Sec2 classmates! My royal family.
Swim : Definitely.
Ice-skate : Yes.
Watch disney channel : Sometimes for some shows.
Love movies : Yes
Like Oreo : Only the biscuit part.
Like chips : Not really.
Do the housework : When I feel like.
Love your friends alot : Yes, all are so dear to me.
Get more than 5 piercings : No. I'm content with the 2 piercings in each earlobe now.
Curse a friend : If that person just did something bad to me, like really bad.
Hug a stranger : I'm very shy larZ.
Sneak out at night alone : No, why should I? Parents are kinda liberal with me. & I'd rather be under the covers.
Further your studies overseas : YES YES YES PLEASE!
Try summoning a ghost for fun : Yes.
Try alcohol : Not try. Take.
Love someone whole heartedly : Yes.
Smoke : No, not intending to.
Hugged someone : Many!
Looked someone in the eye : Of course.
Did stupid things that finally made you embarrassed after : Yes, very!
Said sorry to someone : Yes.
Thank someone : Yes.
Loved someone who hurt you badly! : I guess so.

Ok that's all folks. I'm going to sleep now. Choir at 9am. I hope I can fall asleep easier than the past few days. The past few days, he's been flooding my mind. & I miss him ): Sorry for being such a stupid girl. I know I am a stupid girl. Give me much more more more time.

You're my fortunate accident, my Serendipity

2006-06-03T20:51:00.000+08:00

There's not going to be a header today

Under the covers, she made her prayer & yearned for it to be granted. & then she started:
Dear GOD,

Thank you Lord, I Love You.
Amen.

I'm missing you, You're hating me, please don't hate me.

2006-06-02T19:49:00.000+08:00

I'm Boris hungry,

2006-06-02T02:18:00.000+08:00

& on the right,
is Samantha in a state of loonatism

Someone emailed this to me & it never fails to knock sense into me:

Have you ever wondered which hurts most? Saying something you wished you hadn't, or saying nothing & wishing you had? The most important things are the hardest things to say. Don't be afraid of telling someone you love him or her. If you do, they might break your heart. If you don't, you might break theirs. Your heart decides whom it likes & whom it doesn't. You can't tell your heart what to do. It does it on it's own- when you least expect it to, or even when you don't want it to. Have you ever denied your feelings for someone because your fear of rejection was to hard to handle? When we tell lies, it is when we are afraid. Of what we don't know, of what others will think, & what would be found out about us later. Life is all about risks & requires you to jump. Con't be a person who has to look back & wonder what they would have done, or could have done. Always do things you won't regret doing. Follow your heart, not your head. Life has its unpredectabilities. Keep up with it. Don't stay on the safe side when you know that the grass is much greener on the other. Dare to Love.

I woke up at 330pm yesterday. So now, I cannot sleep. It's only 120am. So I am going to do quizzes (:

001: Real Name - Samantha Nicholle Foo Shi-Yin. (Fu Xu Yin)
002. Nickname - Sam, SamFoo, SammyFoo, Yanny, Nicky, Nicko.
003. Single or taken - Single, but my heart's taken.
004. Zodiac Sign - Aries, & proud of it.
005. Male or Female - Female.
006. Elementary School - Henry Park Pri
007. Ipod - Nano, 2GB, White. :)
008. How many buddies on your list - I have none. I'm a lonely girl (:
009. Friendster name: Samantha Foo.
010. Hair Color - From black to different shades of dark brown. I didn't colour it.
012. Hair Long or Short - In the middle.
014. Eye Color - Black
015. Are you health freak - When I'm growing fatter.
016. Height - 161.5cm. Like please make me 165 at least!!!
017. Do you have a crush on someone - Yes.
018. Do you like yourself - Sometimes.
019. Braces? - NEVER!
020. Think you're awesome? - I am!
021. Piercings - On the ears.
022. Tattoo - I'd love a sexy one.

Your 'Firsts'

024. Surgery - 5, when I broke my arm. The scar still refuses to go.
025. First piercing - Kindergarten.
026. First best friend - Sherri Anne Bernadette Choo Hui Yi. Can you believe it?!
027. First Award - Haha, Gold for primary school relay category on sports day.
028. First Sport You Joined - TENNIS, & STILL LOVIN IT!
029. First pet - Fish.
030. First vacation - Australia? 3 years old.
031. First Concert - I performed in it, choir concert in sec 1. Or 2?
032. First love - I was too young to know what love is. But I'm falling now.

Favorites

033. Favorite movie - Currently? XMEN 3! Funny how I haven't watched it yet.
034. Favorite tv show - DRAKE & JOSH!!!
035. Color - Gold, indigo, black. The colours on my blog. And I also like RED!
036. Music - Pussycatdolls. Only their songs.
039. Drink - Mocha Frappachino from Starbucks.
040. Body part not on the face - Waist.
041. Cartoon - Haha, spongebob.
042. Favorite piece of clothing - Can I have many many?
043. Brand Of Clothing - Guess, Zara, Topshop.
044. What do you sleep with - A white T-shirt & Black shorts. Don't ask why.
045. Favorite School - Henry Park Primary School.
046. Favorite Animal(s) - I like my doggies. Fullstop.
047. Favorite Book - I don't read books, so maybe the Little Miss & Mr collection.
048. Favorite Magazine - Seventeen, Cleo & Hotstuff.

Currently

049. Eating - Nothing.
050. I'm drinking - Nothing.
052. I'm about to - Sleep.
053. Listening to - My dog's snores.
055. Waiting For - A someone who will never come.
056. Watching - My hands type.
057. Wearing - Pajamas shirt & school shorts (The old ones, they're nice to sleep in!)

Your Future

058. Want Kids - Yes, a pair of twins & maybe more.
059. Want to Get Married - Yes, then I'll get kids right.
060. Careers in Mind - Singer. But that's quite impossible, so Psycologist.

Which is better with the Opposite Gender

068. Lips or Eyes - Eyes.
069. Hugs or Kisses - Hugs. They just give the funny fuzzy feeling.(The truth? Never kissed. My lips are virgin (:)
070. Shorter or Taller - Taller, DUH!
072. Romantic or Spontaneous - Romance is a must have, Spontaneous adds bonus points.
073. Nice stomach or nice arms - Definitely the abs.
074. Sensitive or Loud - Sensitive.
075. Hook-up or Relationship - Relationship.
076. Sweet or Caring - Sweetly caring. Haha.
077. Trouble Maker or Hesitant - TROUBLE MAKER please.

Have you ever

078. Kissed a Stranger - No.
079. Drank bubbles - YES!! Haha, in sec 2. Super fun.
080. Lost glasses/contacts - Shades counted?
081. Ran Away From Home - Yes.
082. Broken a bone - When I was 5.
083. Got an X-ray - When I broke the bone.
084. Broken Someone's Heart - I guess I did to a few. I'm sorry!
086. Turned Someone Down - Those hearts I broke. But I never turned dates down (:
087. Cried When Someone Died - Yes.
088. Cried at school - A few times.

Do You Believe In

089. God - I'm doing my best to be a better catholic. Do I?
090. Miracles - Always.
091. Love at first sight - Yes I do.
093. Aliens - That's just ridiculous.
094. Magic - Sometimes?
095. Heaven - Definitely with a capital DEFINITELY!
096. Santa Claus - It's a fictional character a cannot get.
097. Sex on the first date - Yeah, like only when the snail learns to bark.
098. Kissing on the First Date - Only if the date would be made perfect with the kiss.
099. Angels - Yes.

Answer Truthfully

100. Is There someone You Want To be with
right now? - Boris.

Ok, next.

Let's see if I'm an angel or devil.

1) smoked
2) consumed alcohol [x]
3) slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex [x]
4) slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex [x]
5) made out with someone of the opposite sex
6) made out with someone of the same sex [x]
7) had someone in your room of the opposite sex [x]
8) watched porn [x]
9) bought porn
10) done drugs
TOTAL: 6

11) taken pain killers [x]
12) taken someone else's prescription medicine [x]
13) lied to your parents [x]
14) lied to a friend [x]
15) snuck out of the house [x]
16) done something illegal [x]
17) cut yourself
18) hurt someone [x]
19) wished someone to die [x]
20) seen someone die
TOTAL: 8

21) missed curfew [x]
22) stayed out all night [x]
23) eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself [x]
24) been to a therapist [x]
25) been to rehab
26) dyed your hair [x]
27) received a ticket
28) been in a wreck
29) been to a club [x]
30) been to a bar [x]
TOTAL: 7

31) been to a wild party [x]
32) seen the Mardi Gras
34) had a spring break in Florida
35) sniffed anything
36) wore black nail polish [x]
37) wore arm bands [x]
38) wore t-shirts with band names [x]
39) listened to rap [x]
40) own a 50 cent CD
TOTAL: 5

41) dressed gothic
42) dressed prep
43) dressed punk [x]
44) dressed grunge
45) stole something [x]
46) been too drunk to remember anything [x]
47) blacked out [x]
48) fainted
49) had a crush on your neighbor [x]
50) had someone sneak into your room
TOTAL: 5

51) snuck into someone else's room [x]
52) had a crush on someone of the same sex
53) been to a concert [x]
54) dry humped someone
55) been called a slut [x]
56) called someone a slut [x]
57) installed speakers in your car
58) broke a mirror
59) showered at someone of the opposites sex's house [x]
60) brushed your teeth with someone elses toothbrush [x]
TOTAL: 6

61) consider Mac, Dre, e40 or Mistah Fab your favorite rapper
62) seen an R rated movie in theaters [x]
63) cruised the mall [x]
64) skipped school [x]
65) had an eating disorder [x]
66) had an injury [x]
67) gone to court
68) walked out of a restaurant without paying [x]
69) caught something on fire
70) lied about your age [x]
TOTAL: 7

71) owned an apartment
72) cheated on your boyfriend/girlfriend [x]
73) cheated with someone [x]
74) got in trouble with the police
75) talked to a stranger [x]
76) hugged a stranger
77) kissed a stranger
78) rode in the car with a stranger [x]
79) been sexually harassed [x]
80) been verbally harassed [x]
TOTAL: 6

81) met face to face with someone you met online
82) stayed online for 12 hours straight
83) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours straight [x]
84) watched TV for 12 hours straight [x]
85) been to a fair [x]
86) been called a bad influence [x]
87) cursed [x]
88) prank called someone [x]
89) laid in the bed with someone of the opposite sex [x]
90) cheated on a test [x]
TOTAL: 8

91) cheated on homework [x]
92) held hands with someone of the opposite sex [x]
93) been pushed into a pool [x]
94) played pool [x]
95) watched 5 hours of mtv straight [x]
96) had a crush on someone 10 years older than you [x]
97) had a crush on someone younger than you [x]
98) wear eyeliner [x]
99) skinny dipped
100) laughed at someone who was seriously hurt [x]
TOTAL: 9

Grand total: 67. Haha, Ok I thought it would have been more. But hey, I'm not that bad for a B3! Haha.

Ok, that's it. I'm done for now.

2006-06-01T17:22:00.000+08:00

Please come back, I want you bad.
Sorry for being the jerk, I've learnt my mistake.
Its hell for me.
Its killing me.
I promise to be better.
Can't move on, I won't be true to myself.
Just let go,
scream.

2006-06-01T17:05:00.000+08:00

AAAAAHHHHHHHHH ITS JUNE!!!!!!!!!!!
MONEY MONEY IN MY POCKET!!!!!!!!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I can't stand it! My miracle is taking 32194812735362 years to come.
@ !% !* ( !(, !^ !@ % ! !( % # !% !# % @ ! # !!. ( !$ % % $ @% !% @! @ ! $.

These things, I have to have:
> New sweater
> New shoes for school (esp PE)
> New phone, N6111 please
> New clothes (Tops & Shorts & Skirts)
> BF outing (KAROLYN GAN JIA YEEEEE THAT MEANS YOU)
> Boris

I woke up at 330 today. I've had my rest. I want to eat prata later with Claire & *Ahem & other people. I want to study but I'm hogging my lappy & the TV. My dad just came back home from KL. My dog just vomitted on the carpet (his bed). I just gorged myself with cup noodles, dumpling & fruit cake. I'm growing fat & poor. I'm a sad girl. I want my cheapthrill, I want my happy pill, I want my heart to heal.

Those mean expressions, they don't mean nothing

2006-05-31T18:57:00.000+08:00

Butterflies in a bottled mind,
they ram the walls & kill themselves

Monday > ACJC Concert with BFS & GFS = Missed classics.
Tuesday > Vaunt @ M.O.S. with BFS & GFS = Banging wild.

Sorry to those people who care, but
I still like Boris alot.

2006-05-28T18:03:00.000+08:00

Assume. It makes an ass of you & me.

Maybe because I liked you too much, thats why I'm having such a hard time trying to hate you. I can't bring myself to. I don't want this to carry on. It's childish. Why do we have to play tricks on each other? I've been through this in Secondary school. & now in JC I still have to go through it?! What shit is this. This is very Primary School if you'd ask me. Its the typical I don't friend you, you don't friend me shit. I mean like COME ON. Is it that fun treating me like furniture? Cos' I know it's darn hard treating you like one. Whatever happened to our first three month's friendship? FRIENDSHIP. I'm not even going to go after that. I know I was wrong in calling you a jerk, but sometimes you really are one. Just like I know that at times, I too am an ass. & too bad if you think that I'm emotional. At least I'm not emotionless, like a robot.

These few days that I've been making myself move on, I realised it isn't easy. I applaud you for being able to do so that quickly. I haven't been true to myself. I bluffed myself into thinking that I was in fact moving on, but I'm not. That I didn't care anything about this, but I do. I can't stand it, leaving things hanging like that. I am not letting history repeat itself. LJW gave me hell & shit O Level results. But he aced his instead. Deep down I really am sour about it. Just like how I'm turning to be. It's not fair, the way guys can just walk over. I admit that I'm emotional, but you make it sound like it's a bad thing. & if you'd already moved on, why the hell get so affected when I showed the girls my phone. Stop showing you care or its going to be harder for me.

We're just going to be classmates for now. I'm not going to intentionally avoid you or ignore you or anything of that sort for that matter. I'm not going to hate you. Its childish and unbecoming of people our age. Whatever you want to do, is your shit. I'm just going to let nature take it's course. & if I cling on, although I know it isn't good, I'm just going to cry over what I lost. Because I cannot pretend that I'm not affected, that's why I'm showing my emotions. I'm not paranoid. I'm just sad it had to turn out this way, like it did before.

I've decided to abstein from meat & fufil my role as a catholic now. I just want to be a better person, & on top of that, I hope to recover 2 dear friendships that I lost so close to me.

Prince Charming on his horseback, marry me to your castle & your riches

2006-05-25T23:14:00.000+08:00

I saw your face when I was dreaming,
That's why I woke up screaming

Today was unproductive. But tomorrow won't be. All the best to 1T10 for GP papers tomorrow! I'm meeting Claire & Jazryl for Subways tomorrow before the papers. I hope the food doesn't get to my blood circulatory system that I feel drowsy after that. I fear tomorrow's paper. I suck at GP and I know it. I really don't want to screw it up. So please my dear JC, hear my plea. (JC= Jesus Christ. Not Junior College.) I really have do do well for this. Especially for AQ and the whole comprehension section. & of course I hope my class does well too (:

WORLD CUP IS COMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TGIJ (Thank God Its JUNE) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
All the way GERMANY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Its a Black Red Yellow season!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
All those rooting for THE REST can go suck thumb and die. HAHA.
Cept for the England, Brazil and Spain fans too.
The rest are just uuuurrrgggghhh.

I'm a greedy girl. I'm AFM & JFM (+ ALFB). Its All For Money & Just For Money (plus A Little For B) Whoever B is.

Just for the record, I've never been fully recovered ever since I fell sick. Dates back to a few weeks ago (See previous posts). & now its kind of getting worse. I have a cold for getting drenched in the rain twice. Hope this doesn't affect my studies.

That sure stare into my eyes, overrides all your previous lies

2006-05-24T20:44:00.000+08:00

Stare at me,
my eyes burn for yours

Ok my 10 code conduct is too long. So here's one step at a time:

01/ Stop saying Fuck
02/ Stop eating because of unhapiness
03/ Start saving $ KACHING $
04/ STUDY HARD FOR EXAMS !

I'm going to make sure I keep to this. Mark my words.

My heart aches seeing my dad like that. I'm a bad girl. & I will make it up in due time.

You > I have to stop telling myself there's still hope because there isn't any left. If I keep pretending that you're still there, I'm not doing myself or you any good. I just hope that after the holidays whatever that's wrong between us disappears and we'd start afresh as friends or maybe only aqquintences, as classmates. I miss you, & I hate us like that. You don't deserve to be treated like that by me. I'm truly sorry things turned out like that. It's just not as easy as it seems, to be friends like how others can. Just trust me when is say I don't mean to hurt you. Give me time.

Jesus take the wheel, I'm trusting my life in You.

2006-05-23T20:36:00.000+08:00

For love, beauty & grace,
please do not take that paper bag off your face

I'm going to stop being some emo kid like I was.

I
Am
Going
To
Take
Every
Step
As
It
Is
&
Make
Sure
I
Do
Not
Stumble
&
Fall
Because
This
Life,
It
Ain't
Easy.
It
Ain't
What
You
Think
It
Is.
It's
Taking
Time
But
At
Least
It's
Moving.
You
Can't
Say
I'm
Not
Trying.

I AM NOT A DESPERATE B GIRLFRIEND WANNABE.
So like everything else, when it comes, it comes.

I prioritise love&relationship as one of the most important essences in life. He puts it at rock bottom. So I guess because of this 1 difference, we can't carry on. Just that 1 difference. Too bad I guess.

I'm thinking of You at even at ME time, won't you run out like you did just fine

2006-05-22T18:21:00.000+08:00

Everyday is just a template,
oh the mundaneness

I'm still lingering.
Teach me to walk on.
Like how he did.
Like how I'm gonna.
So boots, are you ready?

To see you everyday is a pain in itself

2006-05-20T17:46:00.000+08:00

Autum leaves & Summer just left

I'm glad that today I've been staying at home. Not heading out at all. Just some ME time! Because if I did go out, then I'd go broke like Mindy's aneroxic bank account & not have enough for GSS'06. So I stayed home & although I didn't touch me homework or school stuffs yet, I completed my 300 piece jigsaw puzzle! It was my first. And I am super proud of myself. :D

Yesterday was one hell of a tired day may I just say. The main highlight of yesterday's day, although should be the Arts Week Concerto, was actually the new and improved Choir Lunchtime Concert! It was a true showcase of friicking good talent of Cheryl & Andrea! I SO LOVE THEIR VOICES. Can you already taste the jealousy in me? HAHA.

After school was out to meet the CLIQUE! Like the typical us, some didn't show in the end. But what the heck?! Settlers proved to be, once again, the BEST place for us to hang out man! Me, Nes, Jerd and Tse. We left a hole 45mins late. Guesstures, Blockade & Taboo. The classics. You girls perk my life up.

Next was back to school for Arts Week Concert. I have just 1 sentence for it. I wasted 7 bucks on it.

That said, its time to pull up my socks and study well. I so fear retaining! So I cannot retain. I'll be the saddest person in town. But now I feel like eating Prata House for dinner! Cravings-

Dear mister ever so fair, just stop acting as if you care.

2006-05-19T00:25:00.000+08:00

Similar in differences,
Different in similarities

Can't wait for tomorrow's Mini Lunchtime Choir Concert & CLIQUE OUT! & Arts week concerto. Tomorrow's going to be a busy day. And a happy day. I really need many happy days to come. I promised to move on, but it takes time. So slowly. And I hate the fact that I crack under pressure. The people in class are so smart even without studying or paying attention in class. & dare I slack off, I'm going downhill.

Benn, if you're reading this, please stop rubbing salt into the already open wound. It hurts ok. I really really am sorry for saying those things I said but maybe it was for the better. I'm also feeling very bad for causing a break in the class ok. I'll make up to the class in due time. Moving on was easy for him but it takes more time for me. I still like him but I have to force myself to move on just so he can breathe. Do you think I'd really be happy if anyone of you guys retained? Let alone him? I know I cannot take back what I said because things had been said and done. So just as all isn't lost yet, let me keep some pride for myself and stop making me feel even worse than I already am. In anycase, give time and it will heal. Just this wound has been opened a few times in the course of healing and its headed for full recovery now.

Ever wondered which hurts most-
Saying something you wished you hadn't,
Or saying nothing and wishing you had.
The answer to that for my story is simple. They both hurt as much. But when you realise that making something up made the person you treasured happier, it helps with the pain. If you told someone you loved them, they might break your heart.But if you hadn't, you might break theirs. Sometimes love is addiction, sometimes it hurts like hell, sometimes you just cannot get enough.

May I just say that although I'm not over him yet, I'm moving on. So for the benefit of me, please do me the favour of not talking about him&me, or assuming that my life is revolving around him that whatever mood I have is the cause of him, because its not.

The truth to that deliberate lie, can't it just pass me by.

2006-05-16T20:06:00.000+08:00

Oh, the thing I'd do for Me

01/ Stop saying Fuck.
02/ Stop chowing lectures, tutorials and choir.
03/ Start doing homework even at home.
04/ Whenon the computer, do the things really meant to be done & stop blogging or blog hopping so often.
05/ Stop dwelling on unimportant pasts, or things that shouldn't have been said nor done.
06/ Stop chanelling sadness to food!
07/ Start saving kaching $$.
08/ Stop trying to be someone else, live as who I am.
09/ Stop bitching around.
10/ Promise to move on.

If fate is the time & place, why am I still giving chase?

2006-05-15T22:48:00.000+08:00

Dear kaching ever so fine,
won't you roll back in this lil' pocket o' mine.

Friikin broke!! I need ccccaaasssshhh!!

I'm soooo excited about the up and coming World Cup! Oh dear, I still can't put a finger on which country to support yet! But most probably either Brasil, Argentina, Germany or England. But I love Germany's colour. So there.

Darn it with the heaps of homework piling in. They don't give rest at all. Oh my Fuck! Chem test tomorrow!!! Oh shit!! Save me please!!! History is due on Wednesday & I'm only two and three quarts into annotations only. I have math FA, chem tutorials, history outlines and projects, ECONS PROJECT, GPP to type out, and the list piles on.

Mum's birthday dinner is sure going to put 10 pounds on me. It was Crystl Jade, go figure. That's why I'm glad I have PE tomorrow. Hopefully it does not rain. Please don't rain before or durinf PE.

I swear the heat is killing me! Come on, it's not until mid-day that I get the headaches and lethargy.

Can't help but feel bad, this facade that I'm at.

2006-05-14T21:36:00.000+08:00

It eats you alive
And burns through your skin

I feel friikin bad. I'ma mean girl. I was being childish, wanting not to lose and all. I want to say sorry, but I can't. I told him I wasn't sorry. And that I'd send him a postcard from J2 next year. I'm doing everything so that I can regret later. How smart right. Shit it. Tomorrow's going to be hell. I know he probably hates me now. Its going to be hell not because it's him. I'm over him. Its going to be hell even if it wasn't him. That thing I did, would do no justice to anyone. I would feel like this even if it were someone else. I know I did something wrong. And I'm apologetic. I really am. I said what I said out of anger. Maybe because Liverpool was playing like shit yesterday too, although they won. Truthfully, if I weren't a Liverpool fan, I'd feel unfair for West Ham United. West Ham really wowed the audience yesterday! But too bad Liverpool had a better goal-keeper. So back to the point, maybe I was agitated with their performance. Maybe him too. Thats why.

I can't even imagine the tension there's going to be.
I feel Fuck.
Please forgive me.

On another note,
BENN OWES ME ONE WEEK'S SUPPLY OF DRINKS BECAUSE HE BET THAT WEST HAM WOULD WIN. OBVIOUSLY HE WAS BEING A GOON. HAHA!

LIVERPOOL ROCKS!

I'm keeping January all the way to 21st March.
You can take the rest back if you want.

2006-05-14T17:32:00.000+08:00

Those crocodile tears and elephant years

Finally, everything's over now. Its time to move on. I can heave a great big sigh of relief, because Stress decided to take a vacation. & put on those long fake lashes and thick black eyeliners. Splash the town bright hot red tonight. Rainbows that failed to appear were quickly replaced by the shining sun. That love, it was blind. It went astray, and its not coming back. So we'll see when the next one will pop out and say hi from behind my back. Surprise me. Life's back to the normal cycle. School > homework > eat > sleep. Goodbye unhapiness, Hello fun and exciting 24/7 of stagnant predictable routine.

Ladies, put on your fighting claws. Because one more time those stinky men walk over us again, we're gonna scratch the faces even after they beg for mercy!! Haha.

Men are like mascaras, they run at the first sight of emotion. Men are like teller machines, once they lose interest, they withdraw. Men are like laxatives, they irritate the shit out of you. Men are like chocolate bars, they head right for the hips. Men are like government bonds, they take eons to mature. Men are like popcorn, they satisfy you only for a little while. Men are like commercials, you can't believe a word they say. Men are like lava lamps, nice to look at but not very bright.

Dare I say its a blessing to be single now.

2006-05-12T23:50:00.000+08:00

Love that went astray,
won't you find your way home

Just give me time to get over him. Let my heart ache this once more. I did what I did yesterday because it was just wrong to keep it in. Its settled now. I feel as if I said goodbye to him, forever. At least he did reply. Its going to be a really rough road to drive on, especially when we're classmates. I keep thinking of things I don't want to. Or rather, people I don't want to. Or maybe just the person I don't want to. I have to forget & forgive if I can. The best way for me to move on, I think, is if he could just stand there and let me vent my frustrations at him. He doesn't give a shit, so why should I? I'm getting sick and tired of his attitude. And he knows its been hard for me because of it. Yet he still does it. I really can't stand it already!! He just makes me so mad! He's breaking my heart right down the middle, tearing it in halves again, then shattering them it all over. He played with my heart, then chucked it aside. What the Fuck did I do to deserve this? I'm foolish for clinging onto him. And I'm not growing any smarter at all. And who is He to recieve my love? He wanted us to Give&Take. But what good is it if all thats happening is me giving him attention, the time-out and the break up. And all he did was take my sunshine and my energy away? Its his Fucking fault, and he knows it. Yet he still does it. Is that how a guy is supposed to treat a girl? All I ask is just for him to aknowledge my pressence. Not even to embrace it. I guess the little greetings and drop-by smses are just too much for me to ask of him. I don't want another guy. Now, I want him. Why is he so stubborn!!! I'm actually starting to hate him. But I guess my love for him overrides and superceeds the hatred. I'm just a goon. I really needed this class chalet. My 4B class chalet. Its really doing me good. Thanks guys. As for Boris, I wish him the best, when I beat him up on monday.

It's Your Fucking fault & You know it. Yet You're not doing anything about it. Thanks for ruining my life. I hope you're happy. Cos' you're not going to be for long. I'll be haunting every of your dreams.

Thank You world for Fucking my life. I'll be sure to Fuck yours back.

2006-05-10T20:55:00.000+08:00

Just a little pretence
could bring a better day

Head: Sam is such a foolish girl! 3, 4, 5 times she falls for the same trap. She's one stubborn girl unwilling to learn from her fall man!

Heart: No, she's just keeping compassion and believing in her beliefs.

Head: As if! Look at how she's wasting me away! Thinking of him, if not about issues concerning him, all the friiiiikin time! I could be better off with history readings and complex numbers in my head now! Sam, please, if you're listening (which you always are, only unwilling to comply), STOP THINKING ABOUT THAT BORING GUY!

Heart: Love is blind. You can't stop her from liking someone. Yes, I agree that I do get bodyaches everyday of the week, but I think its worth it. Sam is just not turning a cold shoulder. She deserves credit for keeping me alive. I'd definitely rather aches to refrigiration. Besides, its not all the time I'm aching. Just only when He's around. Its the same as how muscles function: they pump up fast and then have the wonderful aftertaste of aches.

Head: You don't mind, I certainly do! Can you imagine?!?! I mean, given my function, I would deem Samantha as a stupid, stupid girl. I mean, he's not even giving shit! Why should she?!?! Just get over that JERK already! He's definitely not worth her time and waiting. What on earth is it that she doesn't understand about the whole situation? Its as simple as ABC. Simply, He isn't ready for a relationship and he doesn't like me as much as she likes him. He probably isn't as affected as her even. He probably doesn't give shit. SAM!!!!! PLEASE WAKE UP!! I'M GIVING YOU A REALITY SLAP HERE!! DO YOU NEED SOME COLD WATER TO SPLASH ON YOUR FACE TOO????

Head & Heart: Sam, can't you see we're yearning to be free again? Please spare us the torture and leave him be. When it comes, it comes. When it doesn't, deal with it. You're not being the Sam we once used to know and love. Just because of this one guy. We really beseech you to think over waiting for him. Seriously, is it that worth it? Sam, you were once bold and out-goinging. Now, you're timid as a mouse! Be it Head or Heart, it's painful and useless for us to go on like this. You're not doing ourselve any good. People say give time. We know most of all that you can't. So then leave it be and just slowly forget, if that's the best way to come around things. Don't cling on. Either talk or leave. The choice is yours. But just, HURRY!

How cute. My head and heart are talking to me in perfect unison.

Just hang me, I can't bring myself to let go, even if I want to so much.

2006-05-09T19:29:00.000+08:00

I NEED TO DIG A HOLE IN THE GROUND
AND BURY MYSELF 600 FEET UNDER.
I NEED TO PULL THE TRIGGER 60 TIMES
WITH ITS BURROWS ALL LOADED.
I NEED TO STAB MYSELF UPTEEN TIMES
AND UPTEEN WOULD STILL BE TOO LITTLE.
I NEED TO CRY BUCKETS FULL OF TEARS
EVEN IF MY EYEBALLS DROP OUT.
I NEED TO GORGE MYSELF DOWN WITH FISHBALLS
AND HOTDOGS AND BURGERS AND MEATLOAFS.
I JUST WANT TO DISAPPEAR FROM THIS WORLD NOW.
BECAUSE SOME PEOPLE ARE READING THIS AND ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO.
AND THAT DEFEATS THE PURPOSE OF THE TERM 'PRIVATE' I SUPPOSE.
SO THATS IT WORLD.
IF YOU DON'T SEE ME TOMORROW, PLEASE DON'T ATTEND MY FUNERAL.
BUT IF YOU DO SEE ME TOMORROW, PLEASE MURDER ME, THEN DON'T ATTEND MY FUNERAL TOMORROW.

2006-05-09T18:06:00.000+08:00

Wouldn't it be nice if the world was Cadbury
Then KitKats and Time-Out bars can kiss their brown asses goodbye

How can I keep this up? This facade. This isn't what I really want. It's hard, the way we're supposed to be just friends. Its always been about how you weren't ready, how you didn't want it. Howabout how I really miss you, and how I was prepared to let you go. Did you even pause to think that I'd be heartbroken because I really am, even if I don't show. I'm a foolish girl for this man. You say you still like me, but is it for real? I know you're trying, but are You for real. Things are very uncomfortable now, with you around, and me, trying to talk to each other like before, negleting our past, what we've been through. The way you left me hanging. The way I kept bugging. I got annoyed. I guess you too. I steal glances at you, I admit. I know you do too. But the special feeling is subsiding slowly. Its crawling out of me, but I'm reluctant to let it go. Is this what I really wanted when I first saw you? No. Honestly, you were the last thing on my mind. But now, even if I don't want to talk to you smile at you look at you laugh with you cry to you be with you, I can't. Because of the obvious fact that you mean much much more to me than before and I miss you. I know its crazy to say this but even I've been with you everyday in school, you're just like a classmate and nothing more. I don't even think I know you anymore. That's why I'm so sad. We were supposed to be just friends. Why is it so difficult?? If I said that all of our past till now was fake, then I'd be lying. Because my feelings are transparent to you. Its not intentional that I make you angry or anything of that sort. But do you know that I always get angry because I'm unhappy because of your response to me? If this goes on I know I wouldn't be able to take it. Now you tell me that although there may be things I'm willing to do for you, there are some that you aren't willing to do for me. Thanks alot for contradicting yourself when you first asked for a time-out. That did hurt me. Obviously I'm not over you yet. Obviously I've been decieving myself into believing this was all worth it. In the beginning, I did't expect this feeling to last for this long. In the beginning, I thought you were going to be a fling, though you did want us to last. I'm sorry but maybe I didn't, maybe I was in only for the thrill. But time has its ways of playing with people. Now want to be with you for different reasons as before. Now, I realised how much you mean to me. But I know I mean less to you than before. Wouldn't you then call me foolish? Yes, I'm afraid. Of many things I don't want to admit. But one of those I can safely say is loosing you. So please don't treat me like that. Can't you hear my cries to you? Can't you see through my make-pretend eyes? Can't you just be a man one last time and do what you deem fit? Can't you? You just make me want to cry you know that. I've seen 4 different sides to you in this whole 2 terms. I can't say I'm loving the one you are now because it was the other I liked. But hey, there's just something about you. Just something.

I'd be lying to say I don't miss you, because I do, I really do. And it's aching my heart to see us this way.

2006-05-08T18:54:00.000+08:00

Your hands to my hips,
My face to your lips

ANYONE OUT THERE TO EARN QUICK CASH???
I'll give my next month's allowance to whoever that completes the tasks below

01/ At any lecture, stand up during any lecture and start screeching like a crazy monkey.
02/ During assembly, when the National anthem is played, blast a radio to the max with 98.7 FM.
03/ Blow a kiss to Mr Michael Tan accompanied with 2 winks and a sheepish smirk.
04/ Run your handphone under the tap for like a minute.
05/ Come to school in a pair of sexy 4-inches heels on your PE day.
06/ Congratulate Shiley Chua on her new baby.
07/ Wear your skirt/pants at your waist, tucking in the blouse/shirt all the way, wearing jap-high sock length & pure white bata shoes for 2 whole days.
08/ Complain to the Fruits & Juices stall that their Char Kueh Teow did't have cockles in it, and demand for cockles or a refund.
09/ Throw your graphic calculator down from the last floor. 10 times.
10/ Sing a love song to Jek Suan.
11/ Tell Ben Tan to stop waxing his face, instead, shaving is less painful.
12/ Stage a mini coup. When asked why, just say its for fun.
13/ Go up to any teacher who owns a car, and tell them: "Haha, my car's worth trice of yours."
15/ Give your HT a hug when he/she next sees your class and tell him/her that it was a pleasure to have known him/her.

If you really want my allowance for next month, do the above stated. And when doing the above stated, you have to make sure I'm present to witness. I have to be entertained. For more enquiries, visit Sam at 1T10.

HI WORLD, PLEASE KNOW THAT I HATE TIME-OUT BARS AND KIT-KATS.
They just pile heaps of sadness into my life.

Sam is intelligently foolish, thank you.

2006-05-07T18:06:00.000+08:00

We were 2 inches past heaven
before we slid backwards

This lady, SAMMY
She rocks your PANTY
Cos she's so SEXY
She makes you HIGH!

Finally, I'm sick. Are you happy now? This is all because of you! You brought this upon me. On the outside it may seem like a slight flu, a common cold, a negligible headache. But they all lump together to form the most lethal illness- lovesickness. And it's all because of YOU, You & you. So be happy while you still can because when I get well, I'll be haunting every one of your dreams. You most certainly can mark my words on that.

Do you know what you make me feel? Let me tell you.
You make me hate myself. You make me detest my life. You make my insecurity flourish. You make my anguish explicit. You make my heart mourn. You make my eyes swell. You make me want to stab myself. You make me question my faith. You make me annoyed with your response. You make a decrescendo in my trust for you. You make my head spin like shit. You make me scream my lungs out. You make me lose my love for you. You're making me hate you.

Do you know why I'm a stupid girl? Let me tell you.
I'm letting myself trapped in this cruel game of love. I'm clinging onto the hope that we still can be together, but we cant. I'm assuming you still like me because you said so. I'm letting myself belief that the special feeling is still there. I'm allowing myself to be affected by you. I'm always letting you give me shit. I'm pretending that everything is alright. I'm convincing myself that there are no faults. I'm liking you.

And this is the cure to my illness right now-
Sleep, rest & with none of you in my mind.
OR,
~~Sleep, rest & with all of you by my side.~~

Obviously I've got to detox you out of my mind now, or I'll never get better.

Just shoot me, I'm a goon for liking you.

2006-05-06T22:07:00.000+08:00

4am wake up call & little chatters behind

Let me just say that a tired and hungry woman is an annoyed and angry woman. So excuse my uncouth grammer and vocabulary.

01/ Fuck the fucking headache thats not getting better.
02/ Fuck those 3 blisters on my feet which were already there a week ago.
03/ Fuck the television for breaking down.
04/ Fuck those stubborn pimples on my face.
05/ Fuck Amanda Leong aka my mother for blaming my pimples on not enough sleep and not her facial foam which my skin may be over sensitive to. And being a petty bitch for going on about it the whole night! I didn't even say her foam was bad. I just said my skin maybe sensitive to it!!!!
06/ Fuck my tree trunk thigh
07/ Fuck all the assignments and homework and tests and exams that are coming.
08/ Fuck that my hair is super ugly because its short and that its taking eons to dry.
09/ Fuck this inflemmation in my throat.
And finally,
10/ Fuck it-
______i>That I always feel insecure about relationship problems.
______ii>That I still want him but I can't want him.
______iii>That I'm not trying hard enough when he is.
______iv>That he keeps ignoring my messages.
______v>That I have memories to cling onto.
______vi>That we were even together.
______vii>That we see each other everyday but treat each other like beautiful furniture too
_________too precious to touch.
______viii>That I take flight at every chance we have to talk.

Life's not as pathetic as it seems
Met Claire then Eileen in town and shuttled to Great World for lunch at Yoshinoya. It was Timberlux Flea at Havelock later, a mere 30cents added to $2.40 from Great World. Mindy's and her sister's stall was on the second floor, which was obviously more happening than below. OMFG! WE SAW MR LIM KIAN BOON, who looked young and hip mind you, WITH HIS WIFE AND BABY DAUGHTER!!! SUPERR ADORABLE!!! I SWEAR HER EYES WERE READING AN ESSAY TO US. I got 2 tops which were $11 altogher. A total steal, a rip-off. Claire and Eileen got sooooo much more than me. Goldie was there too. Then it was down to Claire Chua's place for a video. Supposedly Brokeback Mountain but it wasn't there so we settled for Drumline, which was the coolest! Then home I went.
We should have more outings together Girls!

Loved today, dreading tomorrow.
Just 3 history readings to complete since one is with Alvin still. I'm Sure!

Perk yourself up
We were at Macs yesterday and our dear choir couple Xinlong and Sharmaine cracked me up. This was the joke to remember. Said in the Hong Kong accent: " Man walk sideways into departure hall, sure going to Bangkok (bang cock)." Haha.

~~Uuuurrrrrgggghhhhh! No, I don't want a Kit-Kat! I don't need a time-out, I never did. Get it, Boris?~~

2006-05-05T23:29:00.000+08:00

Hop on back to Grandstand daysWhere gone was the stressload and much were the slacksBack to those 3 glances that brought him closer

Memories were meant to be looked back upon, to help brighten our day, to give us new meaning to carry on. And these give me the most reason to smile on everyday.

01/ The snippet of Jitterbug's portion of our mass dance at Plaza Singapura Gelare with 1tO8:01 as a forfiet.
02/ 2.4 mock run in the 1st term, where my last round was accompanied with your encouragement constanly at my ear.
03/ Orientation:02 where we sat behind the auditorium chatting with disregard of our surroundings.
04/ The morning calls you gave me to wake up for soccer matches.
05/ Our second dance. Only this time it was the Banghra portion of the mass dance.
06/ Crystal Jade's plain porriage dinner. Our first date.
07/ Our second date. Town to Holland V over NYDC and Poon Huat's swing chair and your shoulder.
08/ Simple and casual dinner at Essential Brews. That talk we had that revealed our mutual feelings for each other. And that pat on my head.
09/ We watched V for Vendetta. Went to HV for Haggendaz, and decided to make us official on another day.
10/ 180306. Our day, meant not only for me, but for us.
11/ You weren't dreaming but if you were, it'll definitely be all about me.

rbosribsorirbisobriorbosirbosrbiosrbioirbsirbsoribosrirbosirbosribrsosibrisosrbirbi
rosibroisbriosrbirosbrisorbisoriosribosriboisrbosirbrbsobrsioirsobriosirbirborbiors
rosrbiosirbisoribrisoibriosbri~~boris~~ssbriosirboisrbosirbsiroibsborisbriosbrisorbsiorb
oisrboisroibrbso~~you~~ibrisboir~~still~~rbisoirbsoribirsoirsbriosibrososrisboribsoibrsoibrso
bs~~are~~boirosirbbrosibrisroibriososirbsoirbisorirosbrmyrbsbbiosribrsoirbsiosoibrisosr
ibrosirbosoibosirbo~~sunshine~~brirrbosirribiosbibrososbsbroisrbriosbriosrbiosribrsiosrib
irbobsro~~shine~~ribroibsoribosbriosriobiossoribibsoonrbsoirbirosibrirbiosroirssbrisob
bibrosbrirosbriosirbirosbrisoribirbosbrisorbisbroiborsbioriobsiroibrsbiorbsiosirbioi
bsoribrosisosoribrisorbisorbirosirbsoribsorbisorbirosoirbsroibriosribosriosriboiros

You gave me a taste of 2 inches away from Heaven and
I'd be lying to say that I don't miss You

~~We should just be friends for now.~~

2006-05-04T21:01:00.000+08:00

That truckload of uncertainties feel featherlite

Nostalgia, deal with it.
Boris and I broke off yesterday. I cannot say I'm entirely happy about it but I'm glad that it happened this way instead of the other. We sort of talked over the phone about how things were working and how we were going to improve it. We were actually under the wrong impressions that we were avoiding each other. To a certain extent, you can say thats kind of untrue because I am sometimes guilty of shunning away. But today was better. He said this before we hung up: "OK, so tomorrow when we see each other I say good morining to you and you say good morning to me." Apperently it didn't substentiate, but what the heck. Tomorrow's another day. I'm just glad we made a clear cut on things, and that I would not have to worry about being hung up or pressurising him anymore. I won't deny that I like him still, so YES! I still like him. And he still likes me too. Call me foolish but, I'ma happy girl. And Boris is the one and only guilty of making me like that (:

Because, love

Because of love,
the sky paints rainbows every morning
Because of love,
Those memories mean millions more than what I'm livin'
Because of love,
Everything seems perfect even if I wake on the other side of bed
Because of love,
I can find the strength to pull through the running dates
Because of love,
Cain & Abel wrap each other in hugs
Because of love,
Aries & Venus kiss and make up
Because of love,
I convince myself of your need to be free
Because of love,
I stare blankly at the phone screen for your message to me
Because of love,
countless nights I had to count sheep to slumber
Because of love,
I'll endure so our future would last forever
Because of love,
an outbreak of pimples pop out from no where
Because of love,
my diet turned upside down & my stomach's bare
Because of love,
chocolates taste bitter, coffee tastes sweet
Because of love,
small seems the task of of making heaven & earth meet
Because of love,
I'm going to let you puppet me with nylon-coated strings
Because of love,
I'll hide those tears of reluctance for the long waitings
Because of love,
we'll cross impossible dimensions together
Because of love,
I'll embrace your love that ends at never
Because of love,
these dreadful days seem to be worth
Because of love,
I'll wait as long as we are CJ smurfs
Because of love,
I'll pull through
Because of love,
I LOVE YOU !!!!!!!!!

(:

Joke of the day!
"So we'll be friends like before."
"Sure!"
Haha, I was making a statement, not asking a question. He sounded like he thought I was asking if we could be like before. But in fact, I was just ensuring that we'd be like before. He's so cute and he knows he is.

~~I'm just glad its finally over, and beginning again.~~

2006-04-28T22:26:00.000+08:00

I AM SAMMY, HEAR ME ROAR

Rant on Randoms, again

-lollipops
-Marks & Spensor
-sheep
-rainbows
-Art of Seduction
-tortise
-cups
-SINGLEHOOD
-history tutorial with BenTan
-SHOPPING!
-hourglass
-gold watch
-fangs
-pizza
-denim
-phone
-Sweet ol' class of Mine
-PERFECT CLIQUE 7
-that fateful day
-calimari rings
-globe
-elections
-haha
-pen
-cheating
-jacket
-soccer
-table
-stairs
-birthday
-napfa
-beanie
-adidas
-pumps
-fork
-yellow
-butterfly
-brownie
-wire
-SINGLEHOOD!
-love
-colours
-boomerang
-KAP macs
-Karo spastic lyn
-Is exalt spelt with A or X?
-essay
-road
-Birkenstocks
-yearbook
-I swear, TBS is gay.
-so are colin&kero
-dudes
-varsity
-Breakfast at Tiffany's
-happy
~~-boris~~ (:

I'll pull through.
Because I'm worth it.

2006-04-24T21:16:00.000+08:00

Drink Champagne with Salmon

2 reasons why I'm unhappy:

01> I'm growning FAT
02> I'm frikin poor

Thank God for May's arrival in 6 days time.
May these six days breeze through like 6 seconds please(:

Boring Boris pudding and pie, kissed a girl and made her cry. When his boys came out to play, Boring Boris ran away. Haha.

2006-04-19T21:42:00.000+08:00

Classic ronmance in Varsity land

~~He's almost perfect. We can't call ourselves attached. We can't say we're just friends.~~ We're just like this-
Imagine having a spectrum of ice-cream flavours laid for you. The ice-cream is so desirable, so creamy, so rich, its almost the perfect ice-cream on earth. Yet, its not called ice-cream. Gelato, maybe?

There's just something about him. Maybe that unmatchable charm, that witty-type sacarsm, that sensitive intuition, that attractable physique? Just can't get a hold on what about him that sinks himself deeper into my heart each day.

Nobody ever loved me better, I'm gonna stickwitu forever,
nobody's gonna take me higher, I'm gonna stickwitu.
Nobody ever appretiates me, I'm gonna stickwitu my baby,
nobody ever made me feel this way, I'm gonna stickwitu (:

2006-04-18T22:46:00.000+08:00

Love makes the world go round

I LOVE T8:01 [Clarice, Atee, Chenpei, Atmanja, Alvan, Momoja, Victor, Paula Abdul, Cristian, Mathieu, Anirudh, Mok, Weikann, Daniel and Boris] BECAUSE OF EVERY AND ANY REASON THERE IS TO FIND.
THESE SHOULD SPEAK A THOUSAND WORDS (:

T8, reunited (:

Cristian, Paula, Mat, Vict and Momoja. Cristian hair is so frickin long!

The SJIs always have to calafair.

Nothing beats the classics. OOOOOOOOO[6]!

My favourite T8 bouncer/ruggers.

Alvan must always BE different from the rest. But can you even see momoja?

Our boyfriend-girlfriend forever!

Dig this,
Varsity blues > myself
cristian > Cristian.

cristian says:
haha it was real good seeing all you guys today man!
Varsity blues says:
haha
Varsity blues says:
yup!
cristian says:
hahaha MOK still the same
Varsity blues says:
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Varsity blues says:
omg
cristian says:
haha did you hear
Varsity blues says:
what?
cristian says:
on the way to the MRT we were talking about clarice's uniform cos its nice...
cristian says:
then mok said..
cristian says:
ya makes you look like a japanese school girl

what the fu k right??
haha, what I said. I LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE T8:01

XOXO curly wurly.
~~Boris is soooo sweet. You won't know Him until you see him through my eyes. I'm glad he's in my life and that I'm in his.~~

2006-04-17T21:38:00.000+08:00

Varsity Blues

Get it right, work it!
Iron your curly hair straight. Lay your fake lashes on the table. Clear the blusher and bronzer stains off your face. Strip your fancy skirts and low-back shirts. The party's over. Haven't come sober yet. Just give time.

Black is the new Gold, or is Gold the new Black. The sun rises from the West, sets in the East. Friday nights are forever, Saturday was yesterday's news. People are fine-dining in snickers, jogging in heels. The poor are shopping designers, the rich at market bazzars. Hit town in heels & skirts & sweet accessories, or just in uniform & nothing else. Mountains out of molehills, or molehills reduced from mountains. Unlock a heart, then lock it in again. Springtime for Hitler, Shakespear spells winter. Guys take the lead, propose the step, ladies take the lead, decision to follow to trust. Gold is the new Black, or was Black the new Gold.

Say a bed-side prayer. Sink into slumber. Haven't come sober yet. Don't want to come sober yet. Trying hard to play not to work. Two years go in a flash, two years feel like dragging a truck. Pick a lifestyle genre. Rock to the choice. Kick Ass.

2006-04-17T18:18:00.000+08:00

My imperfections are Perfect

Boy,
why don't you hit
rewind < <
And stop, then play.
Replay.

Just at that moment,
our moment,

stay on pause___

Forever (:

Fuck that. I don't even know, don't even have a clue of the shit thats going through. School's draining my energy out. I'm trying hard to play, not dig my heads into them books. Friendship never comes easy, even when it throws itself at you. You first think you made a friend, but in fact, its the cliche backstabbing routine. Definitely, there's bound to be ups and downs in one's life. And entering a JC isn't making it a smoother sailing path. Can't even take a chill pill. Can't even sleep with nothing in my head. The whole world seems like its revolving at an acceleration, leaving you stranded, trying to catch up. I still need time to think through alot of committments. But time and tide waits for no man. So I have to chopchop. But I cannot fucking chopchop with all the shit still happening and not getting a grasp of the kind of lifestlye that I'd be having permanantly. Who am I kidding?
Just let me scream in my own way. Fuck off from me. Don't cling on to me, I can't breathe. Don't ignore me, I can't breathe. Don't play games with me. Don't say I'm cute. You can laugh at me, cry for me, whatever.
Just let me be me.

2006-04-16T20:53:00.000+08:00

Randoms>
Very long since I randomed (:

Bikes
Trucks
Hearts
Stripes
Dresses
Chains
Ballroom
Dance
Buttons
Saga seeds
Laughs
Classroom
Allstar
Beep
Long hair
Purselyn (:
Mindy's blog?
Denim
Zara
Chocolate
Shades
Eyeliners
Lucious lips
Karolyn Gan
Watermelon full of seeds
Dreadful school tomorrow
Smurf canteen
Blood
Polka dots
Earings!
Camera
Photos
Clement at the BBQ at eastcoast
SHOPPING

Yeah, that about sums up the wierdest stuff my mind thinks of. Nothing of Boris, really (:

2006-04-14T14:36:00.000+08:00

1*Beep*2

I have to fes' up. Ever since we took a time out, You've been appearing in my dreams. And sometimes, they aren't pleasant although sometimes the are pleasing. And yesterday was a sad one. I dreamt that You and I were like what we are still, only you started smoking. And I hated it. Remember how we had that talk about You not smoking? Yeah. Other dreams like You hanging around another girl like now I used to hang to be the only girl hanging around You. But there were nice ones like back to Orientation 02 when You still had longer hair.

I guess I'm conmfortable with this pace now and its getting too comfortable. So thats why we have to pick up the pace a lil'. Just a wee bit. I just can't stop thinking of You. I think You can feel it too. When I message You, even if it's those not replyable messages, I do want like a simple one back too. But its OK, I understand and I'm used to it too. I hope You're having a whack time now. Cos' I just did just now at the beach till it started storming. Haha, and You were on my mind (:

I'm still waiting. And I'll still wait.
Boris, You got me easy.

2006-04-12T21:18:00.000+08:00

Its My Birthday (:

I'm not being discreet about it. Yet I'm also not using a loud hailer to announce to the whole world. And I'm thankful for all the people who remembered and those who will remember soon enough. These people especially >

Family
-Marcus my finally grown up Brother
-Mommy Amanda
-Daddy Ben
-Jie Jacinta my favourite coussie since 17 years back
-Aunty Edita, maid from 16 years ago
-Plenty & Bounty my precious doggies
> Thanks for stickin with me through my tsunami times.

Fairfield
-Jerdy baby, girl who's 15mins older than me
-Sherri Anne Bernadette Choo Hui Yi, my kindergarten bestie till now
-HuiZhen, ever ready to suan me, but I know still loves me to bits
-Mindy Icecream Ng, fellow fairsian smurf who's paintin her class red
-Lim Tse Min, never ending comments like a river of water
-Nessie Loh, sexy thing who was first to wish me happy bday today
> Love my Perfect 7. You guys will stay rooted in my mind forever. Thanks for all your presents and wishes, and of course that Clique party at Zhenny's that day. Loves!
-Karolyn Gan Jia Yi
-Alson
-Momohan, love guru
-Nathan
-Natalina Chan
-Jocelyn Tan
-Wilbert Soolabert
-Mojo Tan
-Sarah Anne Rod
-Darren Wong Bick Guan
-Gary Chia
-CLEMENT HENG WEN XIANG! (:
>Thanks for keeping me on your mind on this day.

Catholic Smurfs
-My dear class 1T10 [Claire, Eileen, Goldie, Natasha, Priscilla, Amanda, Priyanca, Cleo, Benjylim, Alvin, Gene, Cheetow, Brendan, Noah, Edward, Buns, Weiloong, Ivan, Songyao and Boris(:], whom I just got to know only less than a month back but bought me a birthday cake and not only suprised me but also touched me deeply
-Goldie, for that letter and the cash
-Ivan, Priyanca and Amanda, for that oh so desirable watch!
-Amanda Tee my rocker chick of forever for my favourite CHOCOLATE. And it was SWISS LIQOUR CHOCOLATE! The premium.
-Alvan Moses Victor Weikann Mathieu who sang me a birthday song when I just popped at their class to offer brownies and constantly wished me happy birthday at the sight of me
-Sharmaine deary who cares so much for me
-CJC choirsters [Andrea, Cheryl, Cheryn, Celine, Isabel, Janis, Marcus, Qibin, Junhoe, etcetcetc and the seniors too] who fling their bling of 0607 who got me that pretty pretty cross and sang me my song
-Perry Koh
-Kim Huang
-Joanne
-Yunxi
-Sam Han
-Bloong
-Ronald
-Rachel
-Ms Hillary Moh, who thought that nat was me and wished her happy bday instead
-Chinese lao shi
-PP
-Mindy's friend
-Peter
-Samuel
-Kenny
-DARCEE
-Mr Lim my bullyable form teacher who's kinda funneh at times
-Isabel Ditsey Nadia Wong!!!!! Nuff said.
-Boris Choy the guy who changed my life and is still changing it
> Thank all you people for your wishes and gifts esp my class! Love you all and hope my bday wish holds true. Thanks for the presents for those who gave me presents and I really appreciate you guys remembering this day. I'm deeply touched and I will remember yours too.

All else
-Pursey Poooooooooo!! Love of my Life!!
-Timothy Huang of my Primary school who never fails to wish me every year
-Ang Junting
- LAST BUT NOT THE LEAST AT ALL, My one true Savior my one true love. God. He knows what I'm grateful and thankful for. He knows what I want to say. We have our special language.

And to these people, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOO!
- JERDY BABE
- WONG WENNY
- MATTHEW
- MARIANNE TAN
(:

If I forgot anyone, or anything, I'm sorry. Didn't mean to. Loves still

I LOVE MY BABELICIOUS APRIL 12 TO BITS AND PIECES (:

2006-04-11T21:28:00.000+08:00

Just like an Angel, You're gonna make me Fly

Slow and steady wins the race
I'm feeling glad now. Although I really hope that He gets me something for tomorrow, I'd totally understand if he didn't. Simply because he didn't want me to hit the wrong vibe. Its these lil' gestures that make things like this worth while. Worth a long while in fact. Gosh, I can't believe that all this time I've been thinking that I'm the one taking all the initiative and shit. But actually, He's been the smart strategic one playing like a pro. Slowly manoevering here and there at times, He's a real keeper. I just hope I don't spoil everything. He's just givin and puting in the right ingredients for this cake to look and taste beautiful from its base all the way to its icings.

Retribution picks up
Gene was talking about cutting my hair today. In the end, he got caught for his hair and got forced to spend a full $18 on it. Just fringe off a miserable inch? I mean like I spend $30 on four, five inches? Gosh. Retribution indeed.
Last time, I really didn't understand how people could forget its their birthdays when their birthdays really arrive. Now its happening to me. I've had to pause for a second or two for several times today to ponder when my friends dropped hints for tomorrow. Retribution indeed.
I got too nervous over the whole Boring situation that I built a mountain out of a molehill. Now I got my reprimendation. I didn't go for dinner. It was tiring but more importantly, we weren't ready. So yeah, retribution indeed.

~~I love Boris (:~~

2006-04-10T20:44:00.000+08:00

We're already beautiful.

Your April Fever
Ok so Monday isn't the day yet. Things just twist and turn so vigourously. I was supposed to talk to Boris Choy today about Us. But I guess the reason why I wanted to talk to him so bad was just because I didn't know if he cared shit about me. But today he took the initiative to talk to me. And that made everything alright. Because he doesn't really talk to girls, so I know he was trying. And I'm glad that we converesed even if it was one word. It meant something. Things this week are taking a turnabout, although things had always been taking turnabouts. Our curve has many stationary points. I definitely hope its an increasing trend with fluctuations. But I have a feeling this week is going to be slightly better. Mean like, just had that feeling. Like that feeling I felt to return his feeling, when nobody saw anything. Like that feeling I felt today in chinese, its the special feeling that only two people share. It makes you feel hot, makes your heart race, makes everything worthwhile again. I certainly hope tomorrow will be better. Last time in the first intake, I woke up everyday excited to go to school because he'd be there. Even when I skipped school, I'd go back just to see him. Now, I wake up dreading to go to school, simply because I was sick of dealing with the problem. And he was part of the problem. But a part of me still feels happy, because I know for sure he's going to be there. Am I ready? If I'm still afraid to talk to him, am I ready yet? I should take half a step back. Maybe I'm building a mountain out of a molehill. Maybe its natural. But all I know is that I want us to be happy and comfortable. So thats why its worth the wait. All I can hope for now is for us to stay friends or even be friends. We're like strangers now and it'll be alright if we had nothing in the past. But the fact is that we did share an enjoyable past. So thats why I need to talk to him. Just to clear our barrier so we can continue to be friends. So we can take things slowly, and work towards what could be. If we'd pass through this we'd last for long. Many people say that, and I believe in that too. I never knew it would hurt this much, just like I never knew I'd be this faithful to this promise. I'm sorry if I did anything wrong in the past, but. Hey, Boris, one minute you make me feel so good, another you're leaving me out so cold. I'm catching the fever now. I'm catching Your April Fever.

Make this the last stationary point please. The last minimum point, to that too.

2006-04-08T18:06:00.000+08:00

The spaces between my fingers are for Yours to fill

The only medication to the healing of Lovesickness is Retail TherepyTested and ProvenBut it isn't a garuntee for complete effectiveness.

Remember, remember the 5th of November
This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is it vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished, as the once vital voice of the verisimilitude now venerates what they once vilified. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin van-guarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose vis-Ã -vis an introduction, and so it is my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V.

V for Vendetta Know its kinda late but its one of the movies to remember. Whether for its content or company, that was on of the Best shows.

I'll have to face the music one day. And Monday is the day. I don't know what the outcome will be, and I don't dare to think what the outcome will be. I just know we have to talk. I'm not ready to let go. I'm just prepared for the worst. I don't want to let go. All that happened between us, even for its short period, I'll give them all back to You if I have to.

Unreachable
Just like an angel, You're gonna make me fly
Into your arms You're wrapping me up so tight
You got me crawling so bad
Got me heels over head
You got me easy, you got me easy
Tangled up in my head
Quit trying to hold on to have me
Cos we're already Beautiful

So don't make me cry
Cos this love don't feel so right
You can push a river, You can make me fall
You can make me Unreachable

I may be sweet but I'm still on the vibe
You couldn't wait no, You had to take Your vibe
You got me crawling so bad
Got me heels over head
You had me easy, you had me easy
Too late to go back to realise what we had
We were already Beautiful

So don't make me cry
Cos this love don't feel so right
You can push a river, You can make me fall
You can make me Unreachable

Sometimes love is addiction
Sometimes it hurts like hell and
Sometimes you just can't get enough
You can make me love you
Anymore than I do
You can make me Unreachable

So don't make me cry
Cos this love don't so right
You can push a river, You can make me fall
You can make me Unreachable

~~I want you bad.~~ And you're indecisiveness is eating me ALIVE. So don't make me wait anymore.

~~> I love Boris ):~~

2006-04-07T22:39:00.000+08:00

Expensive
~~Birkenstocks~~
~~Guess wallet~~
Topshop nautical-blue retro-inside rustygold-chained clutch
Converse all star
Forever21 penny&dime necklace
Cool &sexy black handphone
Fareast oriental earings
Maryjane's hot red polkadotted beachbag
Fareast vintage dress and belt

Undiscovered
Take it back, take it all back now.
The things that I gave,
like the taste of my kiss on Your lips.
I miss that now.

I can't try any harder than I do.
All the reasons I gave, excuses I made for You.
Broken in two.

All the things left undiscovered
Leave me empty and left to wonder
I need You
All the things left undiscovered
Leave me waiting and left to wonder
I need You, I need You
Don't walk away.

Touch me now,
how I wanna feel something so real,
please remind me.
My love, take me back.

Cos I'm so in love, with what we were.
I'm not breathing, I'm suffocating without You.
Do you feel it too.

All the things left undiscovered
Leave me waiting and left to wonder
I need You
All the things left undiscovered
Leave me empty and left to wonder
I need You, I need You.

When I'm in the dark and all alone.
Dreaming that You'll walk right through my door.
Its then I'll know my heart is home.
There's a million reasons why I cry.
Hold my covers down and close my eyes.
Cos I don't wanna be alone.
All the things left undiscovered
Leave me waiting and left to wonder
I need You
All the things left undiscovered
Leave me empty and left to wonder
I need You, I need You.

Cos I can't fake, and I can't hate.
But it's my heart, that's about to break.
You're all I need, I'm on my knees.
Watch me bleed, won't you listen please.
I'm givin in, I breathe out.
I want you, there's no doupt.
I'm freaked out, I'm left out.
Without you, I'm without.
I'm crossed out, I'm kicked out.
I cried out, I reached out.
Don't walk away, don't walk away.
Dont walk away, dont walk away.

The last.

2006-04-06T14:57:00.000+08:00

Body over mind

So what if we're not officially together.
We cound be unofficially together.
No committments,
no promises.
Just spontanity.
Totally unpredictable.
~~LOVE.~~

Like diamond to gold,
My heart lies with you.

_________________

Expensive

- ~~Birkenstocks~~
- Paperpeople
- Guess wallet
- Topshop nautical colour rusty gold chained retro on the inside clutch
- Fareast Oriental earings
- Converse Allstar
- Zara crop shorts

VictorianNauticalOrientalVintageFloral just like Gold

2006-03-29T20:04:00.000+08:00

~~I LOVE BORIS CHOY CHING HO (:~~

2006-03-03T15:09:00.000+08:00

Ooh Boy you lookin like you like what you see

false illusions
Now I'm happy for all the right reasons.
> IG 17! Firstly, I love the number. Secondly, I know sooooo many people in it! Until Joanne and Natasha couldn't take it.
> It was a super fun day today, at our always remembered Grandstand. Played soccer, basketball, a lil of frisbee and sprinting.
> I realised there actually IS a chance of a relationship. And I'll only spill the beans later, after March hols. So sorry Rockrchick, your dare can wait till next term.
> And later Paul~~a Abdul~~, Mathieu, Boris and Myself, with Darell Chee and maybe Natasha is going for dinner at Holland Village. Its going to be nice, I know.
> And although my dear Mindy Ng isn't happy bout it, I'm thrilled she's posted to CJC. Can't wait if she's coming. So much to introduce to her! And if she's here, she's been posted to IG 27 (:
> Today on the whole is a happy day. Though many reasons to be sad too. Like people leaving and stuff. And different classes as my t8. But there's many reasons to smile. And all the mundaneness of life has been beautifully covered up and hidden behind the smiles and laughs. All the worries of life have been wiped out, just for this time being, to let me embrace what I haven't been able to in quite a while - pleasures.
> So no smiles will go to waste today because today, is officially declared SMILEY DAY by Samantha. ((:

2006-03-02T19:33:00.000+08:00

Chain of Fools

I feel ever since Him, all my posts have gone Crazy. I don't write like how I used to now. I've become so simple and naive. Like as if, no, not like as if, its like I've fallen into the Love Trap. I'm sure of it. It sounds so cheesy, but true. And for nothing I look for trouble and stress. For nothing I have to respond silly to little gestures that may not even mean anything at all. I don't even know. And I don't want to know. Cos' I have a feeling that he doesn't share the same feeling. Our smses are not like how it should be. Then again, how should it be? I really don't know. Is it because he is shy? Or am I thinking too much? Way too much? I know I want to tell him I like him. But people tell me I shouldn't. And those people are more experienced. Yet other people tell me to tell, give it a go. I really want to tell. But we are most probably going to be in the same class, and if it isn't going to work, i really hope that it doesn't affect anything. And according to all God of Love Librans I've seen, they all react positively. If it was a no, then we'd still be friends. And if it was a yes, then woohoo! I really don't want rejection. Rejection is the last thing on my mind now. If there's anything I'm afraid of, its rejection, and bugs. There, I said it. But I think I'll go ahead with it. Go with my head, my heart. And how to say it? I think I'll just keep it short, sweet and simple. I know its going to drag eventually, but for now, the plan is to tell him straight. No beating round the bushes. I have to work on the speech there. But I have to boost my guts first. He is a nice guy, kind, gentlemanly and all. I'm attracted to him. Well, hope all goes well.

faith embrace

2006-02-28T20:13:00.000+08:00

Grandstand mania

A super light affair
I'm going to keep it really point formed cos' i have too much to say and i want to pour it out NOW!

Anna!
Pacing, racing.
Legs not the only organ.
Cloud nine.
Different cause, slight disappointment.
But it had its possibilities.
Had a last eye contact thingy.

Frickin shack!
Class was as such.
SDP
gp
gp
Break
~~History~~Grandstand
~~Econs~~jiao home
~~Chinese~~tennis
Break
PE (:
Basketball

Amanda Tee the Rockr Chick Rocks!!!

I just feel so happy ((((((((:
But yet sad bout the Kann spreading thing.
I mean he seems like a nice person behind the scenes.
Too bad he's EGO is too BIG for anyone including himself to handle.
But ultimately, Anna's on my mind.

Here's to a hopeful Sam for a responsive Anna (:

2006-02-27T19:32:00.000+08:00

Young lady

Dejavu
I have to stop sinkin deeper and deeper. Or history will repeat itself, painfully & heartlessly. It once happened to that Libran. Now its happening to this one. I have to keep it a light affair. Or in the end, I'll be the one losing out.

"If you wrap yourself up totally in your partner, and plan your life around one person, you may resent it and lose your self-esteem and confidence." - Aries 2006, a phrase from the aries-libra compatibility.

Guess that was my mistake. According to my religion, I'm not allowed to believe in these things. But these things never cease to amuse me time after time. I'm not believing in it. I'm just terribly interested in it. So much so that I trust its predictions. And I think it is very true. Horoscopes actually are quite accurate about life matters. Like that phrase up there. It totally applies in that libran's case. And I hope it doesn't spill over into this one. Cause I really like this one. Its just a crush, maybe. Maybe I've started to infatuate. Maybe its just an attraction and nothing else. I don't know for sure. So we'll see where He takes me, whether its my time to love, with all of my heart.

2006-02-25T16:16:00.000+08:00

A yellow flower amongst yellow flowers

Chicken Wings
Woah! This time she doesn't know for sure if this was the right choice. But all she can think of now is him. And thats all right, because its a nice feeling. And she hopes its mutual. For once, please be mutual. And she doesnt care how he does it, but whatever he's doing now, just don't stop.

2006-02-24T18:55:00.000+08:00

He comes from a foreign place,
and i live far away,
intrigues me with every move,
till I'm breathless I'm helpless I cant keep my cool.
>Its pure Infatuation.

candybar-
Just at that instant our lives first crossed,
you were a yellow flowers
in a bed of yellow flowers.
Your charm was as dim as light could remain.
Your style was the same,
it was getting lame.

Thinking of you when you're by my side.
Now you are a rose amongst a million billion thorns.
My crave for you always amuses me.
If you'd ever leave,
I could never breathe.

You're just like a candybar,
half sweet and half nuts.
Somehow you've worked your way
right to my heart.
The charm of that laughter,
the warmth of that smile.
Don't care how you do it,
don't care how you do it,
just don't stop it now,
just don't stop it now.

Now all she needs is the tune and the song's done. Will the legend Ms Rockr Chick please give suggestions if she sees this. And help her out with the tune? Please? And Ms Rockr Chick has yet to add her on msn. And she needs some help from Ms Rockr Chick. So Ms Rockr Chick please come to her rescue, if Ms Rockr Chick is reading this. Thank you.

2006-02-22T17:24:00.000+08:00

Attached with strings

the shoe fetish
Shoes are like how things go around here. Recently, she's been really spending alot of shoes and still have cravings for more. She already has more pairs of shoes than her shoe-loving mother already, and yet doesnt want to stop yet. Shoes can be used to describe many things. Where'd the phrases 'in whoever's shoes' and 'old shoes are the best' come from? Shoes are the most wonderous things on earth. Not only does it give maximum protection of the feet, it can also be seen as a fashion plusplus, an elivator, an aid in any kind of sport, and even just a decorative feature around the house. Life is very much like it too. At least she knows her life is.

Flipflops: They give her protection from the dirty filthy floor. Her family is as such too. She doesn't treat my flipflops very well exactly. Just for skimpy ocassions, and last minute resorts. Yes they are comfortable, but they aren't those that she would want to wear out to ochard road etc, just to a nearby kopitiam or something. Her flipflops sometimes make me slip and fall, and make her want to throw them away after that. But after little consideration and pondering, FLIPFLOPS ARE HER MOST RELIABLE SORT OF SHOES THAT KEEP ME BUFFED UP FOR ANYTHIN ! (well except for like fashion stuff).

Maryjanes: These are the shoes to give up on after a passing phase. Maryjanes always always matches with any skirt that she or any other girl wears. Those cute and kinky toys keep her perked and alive. And these are just shortlived. As crude as it sounds, this are those you 'use' once in a while and chuck them aside. She hates to say it, but Maryjanes are like the people she hangs out with just to get that bullet train ride to fame. After that, there they go and she would treat them like furniture soon enough.

Heels: Her favourite. For one, she is short, so her heels are so very essential in her life! Heels are not only to be worn with dresses, but with skirts and jeans and everything you'd deem fit. And she's really proud to say this- her homies, her chicks, are just like these type. Need she mention their names? Sherri, Mindy, Nes, Jerd, Huizhen, Tsemin, Karo, Zengzeng, Bennett, Bushy, once upon a time Jiawei, and my fabtastic churchies like Isabella, Pursey, John, Byron, Jerome, and countless more. Those whom gave her grace and confidence to move on. Those who never failed to help her look her best whenever, where ever. Those are dependable heels in life.

Dunks/Tennis's/Running: Like these are those who go through thick and thin with her. Those she wears almost every day. The rugardness of this pair never ceases to rely more on it. So comfortable, yet protective all around. Plus, it can also come off as fashionable and attractive. Nuff said bout this pair, cos' its any of my future boyfriends.

That pretty in a glance but tiresome in the long run pair: This is another boo boo. She buys this pair, uses it maybe once or twice, and then chuck it aside. They come along cheap anyway. These come off as 'furnitures' because whenever she passes them by, she doesnt stop to say hi or bye. Those are the ones either she detests, or cannot find time to, or slowly distant from. She'll never throw them away because they may be useful once again. But until they are, they just stay still and collect dust. She's a victim herself too anyhows.

So thats how her life compares with her shoes. Shoes are a never ending type of merchandise. Better than clothes, earings, necklaces, rings, hair accesories, handbags, and makeup. Shoes are everything in her life.

So sorry for those who literally find shoes not that affordable.

And this analysis only applies to those who can afford shoes. Which easily points out the majority. Apologies if this post has affected anyone in anyway, but this is the way it is.

2006-02-19T21:57:00.000+08:00

We're all Cinderellas

unpredictable
>Getting kicked out of SI.
>Splurgin at every shopping outing.
>Make-up and dress-ups
>Turning more wild, more vulgar, more un-catholicish

unpredictable
Actually putting out the 'eternal' flame for mrkoh.<
And finding mranotherguy attractive, even if he's younger!<
Going out with ma chicks so often.<
Hangin with mathieu the clown.<
Amanda Tee Shi Hui the TOTAL ROCKR CHICK!!!<
Hate to say it but, 15 pts.<
Jiaoing so many classes. seriously, i thought i would be a goody2shoes.<
Liking Birkenstocks.<
Jiawei, Bennett, Bushy actually toppin the whole level ? like totally!<
Regretful of the Jiawei issue.<

stop your preachin'
Life is filled with so much inbalance. Good and evil, virtue and vice, anger and hapiness, love and hatred, and needless to say, the list goes on. Well it just struck her that life shouldn't just be all things that can be counted, things that can be guessed. In her opinion, life should be 25% predictable, and the rest unpredictable. Just like how she thought she'd be super Godly in CJC, she's now one of the more good turned bad people affected. And just like how she'd thought he was the one and the only, low and behold her target shifted, and even to a minor. She's takin chem too!! Life, however, cannot stay too unpredictable. Dont go doing everything that mirrors what you were doing. Its not healthy and not at all safe too. And if life were to be 100% unpredictable, then wouldn't it then be 100% predictable? Only the opposite of what was to be predicted. Total contradictory. Life must be filled with fear, for fear is excitement, with a lack of courage; life must also be filled with an attitude for risk-taking. What fun is there if there is no thrill in someone's life. Then that poor child would have a really protected comfort zone, really.

all turned kiddish to me

2006-01-31T20:51:00.000+08:00

mizuage in auction

reluctant maturity
if mature means to watch her loved one walk away when she had the of one in a billion chance to maybe change his mind in leaving . and if mature meant to stay in silent eloquence . and if mature meant to wait till she was mature . then she;d rather not be mature . then she;d rather stick to old time childishness and foolishness . just so she can be with him , through time . less than two years ago when she first set eye on his pitch black hair , his tough yet gentle build , his deeper than the ocean eyes , his smoothing voice that could melt the hardest metal and serenade the biggest cry baby . at that time , to her , he was even less than an ordinary joe next door . he , to her , looked even more unpleasant than the unpleasantest pea . looking at him was like forcing a six year old to eat brocolli . little did she know , he was the one that kept her holding back to every eligible bachelor that came knocking . he then became her rock , her dream , her future . at times , she;d ask herself if she;d really liked him , or just rather stick to him because he was her model husband . she;d even save her first kiss for him . even if she knew he wasnt all that reciprocative of her feelings . for a long while now , she;d hope this feeling was mutual , she dared not ask him or tell him . in fear it may ruin whats left of a fragile friendship . although she knew another her already told him courageously she liked him . she didnt dare . he was friendly to every body . maybe even over friendly . nice he was . and is . a pity though , that they werent together . she always knew , deep down , he haboured the same feeling she for him . she hopes its true . decieve would bring devastation , and high hopes too . so she dared create unnecessary castles in the air , just wanted to stay in a sufficient house on earth . for two years now , and for the record its the longest she;s ever , she dabbled on the possibility that maybe , just maybe , if she;d stay , he;d be moved by her sincerity and give in . every time the amount of like dips , all he has to do is look her in the eye and it shoots again . especially recently in her first orientation , they;d help out . she honestly felt the chemistry , the kind of special bond only that special pair felt , that unique gentle flame that would flare up when contact was made . and she found out only just in time that he;d fly away . to the place of her choice . away for two months . she cracked . and that crack was as big a crack as that one that caused titanic;s death . all she could do was wish him coldly to take care . she knew she;d miss him . she does . and only now she realise she does . the past few days with her new class , she was flirting , with the type she;d never possibly fall for . she thought she falling , but in fact , she just needed a companion . she knew deep down , her materialisic heart would not allow such a tyranny to happen . and yet , that same heart was almost on the road of betrayal . she;s glad her head slapped into her heart and woke her up . now she can only await his return in hope , again , that he;d miss her in return too . and miss her more than he misses the rest . or envy would sip in and jealousy never ceases to take over . oh GOD please , if they were meant for each other , dont hold them back . their time is little . so please , either fast foward to the minute of embrace and hit pause . or extinguish that burning flame in her heart for him and keep her cool .

please GOD , please .

2006-01-20T20:56:00.000+08:00

some kaching

randoms , but not material
guilt > for ignoring and forgetting
disappointment > for pride
regret > for stoning
longing > for return
missing > for abscence
confusion > for the past
decieve > for assuming
disgust > for being touched
hopeless > for uselessness
lonliness > for letting go
despair > for not preserving
anguish > for not letting out
crank > for keeping in

shit > for everything else

randoms , full fledge material
polkadotedd retro heels
polkadotedd retro heels
polkadotedd retro heels

polkadotedd retro heels
polkadotedd retro heels

polkadotedd retro heels

polkadotedd retro heels

money
money
money
money
money
money
money
moneymoney
moneymoneymoneymoney
moneymoneymoneymoneymoney
moneymoney
moneymoneymoney
moneymoneymoney
moneymoneymoneymoney
moneymoneymoney
moneymoney

__________
tango

2005-12-01T09:48:00.000+08:00

stuck in total reverse

if you;d think back , all her yabberin' and chatterin' means nothing . now that she knows its not her . no , i know its not me . all along , its been him . his petty attidude and selfish personality . in total contrast with my ego-brought-down-because-of-him , my willing quiten down for his sake . now its over , and i dont bother , nor do i get affected , because now i understand . if mature means to hold grudges and never embrace what god gave me , then i;d rather not be mature , because human hearts is what makes miracles , not items or things . and as long as i have a human heart in me , i know that it doesnt matter if i am mature or not . i just want to be me . that me that has hidden so far back in that little corner of my mind . memories cannot be erased . they will stay etched on the littlest it can find . so i wont hesitate to keep whatever memories i had . just , it wont affect me as it did . thats all .

goodbye ; forever

2005-11-11T22:15:00.000+08:00

charming personality , scringing attitude

some white shirt
thats the present she;ll share with huizhen . the white blue down shirt at factory outlet store . one can only imagine . suave , really . him in that shirt and all . wow . her adraneline takes control . but she cant let that happen . for one , he;s younger . that should end it all for her , but no ! whats that ? maybe its her foolish cravings to talk back . her endless longings to make up , not out . those are those that caues the mindless adranel actions . and those are those that aimlessly wait for reconciliation . stupid girl , this one . she;s never going to revover that same old burning flame that lasted , hmm , more that it has been out . tse min said he;ll look like a prince charming . she took the words out of her mouth . and now , she;s stuck . and she only fantasizes . on that horseback he rides .

2005-11-09T17:19:00.000+08:00

grand slam classics

something bout that
so they climed rooftops for long talks , took a long train ride from pasir ris , messaged marathons , had dinner , crafted work in art lessons , braved through tough times together , share simillar passion for marine , bought apple juice and kaya bread - her favourite , when she had no appetite , passed notes in class , exchanging gifts with her name carved on it , were ever so ready to open up to each other .

intolerable cruelty
and that girl there isnt her . what struck her when she read that ? that she had instant waterfalls down her rocky cheeks ? she knows he did that because he had a crush on her . and not on her . how so , did her adrenal cause her glands to swell and well . how so did her heart beat pump faster with every milisecond ? as she read on , she was hoping it wasnt him , the one she didnt wanted to appear . and usually it wouldnt be . not in this case . she was suspicious of the text written . especially their passion . and finally , a happy birthday my friend . that she knew it was that him she had been talking about . and her emotions got the better of her . its not that she is in the wrong as she writes that entry , its just something about what she wrote that hindered her feelings . at times , she wondered if she her heart was cheating her feelings , but she reassured herself that she only had heart for another , and he was just a lost sheep from her flock , rebellious , not wanting to return . the question is then , this friendship . can she salvage ?

2005-11-09T16:50:00.000+08:00

to : _jiawei

happy birthday
i know i have been real shy around you , contradicts from that message . but i dont know . i;ve braved up alot and prided down quite some . i dont know whats hindering this patch up . and i know its not that im the one holding back . but something tells me its something to do with your irritance from me . i guess i have pushed the limits for you huh . truthfully , i do get envious when she;s around . and when a funny comment is made of you or from you , i try my best not to make it known that i giggled . simply because i want to observe my place . but when you laugh at the things about me , i feel happy , because at least i know that to you , im not just some piece of furniture that you completely igonre . i;ve always treated you guys like my brothers , confided in and joked with you guys alot . especially you last time . i guess if this message were to be resummurised , it would be that i miss you , and i want to bring back what you;ve taken away from me - our friendship .

if you are here reading this , the message is not for you . she wants only one person to read it . and if he doesnt get to read it , which is forever never , then let it be there for as long as she permits .

2005-11-08T20:17:00.000+08:00

over cloud nine

devastation at first
as she made her way down school , she was wondering if they;d be at school too . she wasnt too sure . she reached at twelve thirthy . went to dover , drew money . she dabbled on the thought that they might be there . she hesitated . oh how she wanted to go in to check , but her legs kept walking . as she crossed the road , her mind was set straight on crossing the road and nothing else . well , when she looked ahead , a familiar but intimidating face appeared . just as the movies are , they walked pass each other . she didnt know about him , but she felt her heart drop thousands of feet , obeying the laws of gravity . but she held her head high , and kept walking . but that one glance made her lose her concentration . coincidentally or not , the song playing on her reliable ipod nano was a song that could , would , and had dampen her mood even further . she was at the frequent study room in her school , trying to do those supposedly at her finger tips math questions . but no , she couldnt even do one . it just sank into her that it really was over . no matter how much she turned to look out that window , he whouldt know what her heart wanted . utter disappointment , sheer devastation .

sugarrush
sometimes fate can really play a fool with someone insignificant like her . as they returned to school , went into that strategic place to study , she;d follow them in . she;d study with them . and most of all , she;d study with him . its common that jokes were cracked and fun was made . she;d never evade it , especially from them . as usual , she;d suffer the most from it . from him having intentions or her having designs , all these assumptions and makeups never seem to stop rolling in . but instead of feeling vengeful , she feels happy , delighted , and content . she likes it when this kind of fun is made somehow . it lifts her up . when she walks away , they;d go to her scripts and write fake messages of patching up , making out< . but even if it wasnt true , the thought of it makes her smile . then , when they;d mock at her , she glanced at him , to see his reaction . and today , for the first time , she noticed how he;d giggle at those lame jokes . she thought all along she was the only one who;d laugh secretly and minimumly at him . but this time she was wrong . and for once , being wrong was right . she left with a cheerful as ever heart . there was one thing she wanted to do but couldnt : scream .

the common delimma
and now she wonders and cracks her brain just thinking if she should get him something for tommorrow . his birthday . and if so , what to ? so she messaged ben . the 'mature' one . and to her awe , his replies were far from how he would message back . just by a snap of her fingertips , she;d know it was ed , the ego one . and they were having dinner . although she feared he would know she was getting something , she didnt really care if he did , just that if he did , what would he think . she just doesnt want to feel disappointed again . so if god may , please grant that all actions are in favour of her . she so hopes , she so prays . so god , if you may .

2005-11-01T20:55:00.000+08:00

she wants to go clubbing

she asks : lets go clubbing ?

2005-11-01T20:54:00.000+08:00

randoms >

funny , her mind is blanck .

she;ll try again .

randoms >

curses and swears
she can bang herself on walls , she really is empty . her mind was too active last night when her sub-consciousness couldnt beat her active as ever mind to siping into her slumber . now she is all drained out off the tiniest winiest detail in her brain that she cannot even lay down any randoms , which is supposed to be the lee way out from blogging things , she really is a failure . guess what she is ? yes , she is . the biggest loser .

ha
contradictory . irony . opposites .

2005-10-31T19:47:00.000+08:00

spanish guitar duet

a new comfort zone
now she knows when she is unhappy , she doesnt have to scream like no body;s business . now , she can make use of that useless useful sitting by her bed to play disco dancefloor beats to keep her moving and on the go . just like a make-believe club . now , she can just keep on clubbing everyday . lights switched off , music banging loud , WOAH ! its just her style .

god of wonders , really
YA! session yesterday was so fruitful . she feels like another person now . she doesnt worry of those bugging problems now . she can rely on him , whole heartedly . now when she thinks of that petty nobody , she feels worried no more . what she feels she doesnt know how to express , but she just knows its a good kind of feeling .

happy holloween
now that she;s found a new route home , she passes by all those posh houses at a corner . and this day , she sees little kids banging from door to door , trickatreating . what a happy sight . she thinks of her childhood . the times she was in those costumes asking for sweets too .

guilty
one week away from her big o;s and she is still shopping and gaming . this behaviour must stop ! and it must stop right away . she needs to dig into her books all day and get those cold hard facts into her head before its too late . the clock is ticking
! and she needs to step on oil , to accelarate .

2005-10-30T01:22:00.000+08:00

words of a sleepy self named know it all

she;s gone gaga
whoo ! shopping . one whole day of none stop action ! yeahh man (((((((: ohh ! he;s online now ! she feels like she;s on cloud nine ! she bought herself a thirtybucksfleshimptop , and a drink , and a strippywatch and a present for a dearmsditsy and she took neoprints and she bought a handphone thingthing and she bought a christian pop cd and she bought ..... what else did she buy ? BEATS ME !!! heehee , so thats all she bought , and she is yawning , ready to tuck her tummytrotting lookingfat self into that princessy nest of hers , mmmmmm the thought of that ever so longed beauty sleep sips into her mind , just as long as her hair dries off , she;s one two splash into that pool of dolphins and mermaids to swim with . its one two woooooosh , into that vast blue and white mesh oh nothing to float with the seagulls and swans . and ohh , whats this she hears ? the clock strikes thirteen . yes , a new day awaits ! a new day of empty hopefuls , because , this next day is a sunday ! and sunday brings new beginnings . she is going for mass on this next day . she is going to empty her weariness this next day , and start afresh , and wake up to a world which says nothing but - study , girl , study . exams are not too far away , in fact , exams are just around the corner . and you are the only one of your league to strut around town and shop till you drop . you are the only one who has the appetite to dig into dimsums and indulge a chocolate fondue of haagendaz , only you then shall do badly , and you shall fail . since you are not even putting in the negative numeric of what your classmates have been doing , have been working , have been worrying . and she will wake up , and smell a new day of trouble , a new day of anxiety , a new day of rush , and a new day of stress . she shall then seek refuge in her trustworthy companion , who has never left her side since the day she came to be . that same trustworthy companion , who will stay with her throught thick and thin , and carry her in major crisises . and she will promise him , she will do whats best for her whole body . regardless of mind , body , soul . and she will fufil what she had promised and reach the greater good that her facilitators of school had wished her be . and she would show her peers that she isnt just a good for nothing know it all . because its then that she has even surpassed her abilities . but now , all those seem like thousands of miles away in the real world , although it only seems a stone throw away in this far from familiar surroundings she is in now - the subconciousness of her mind . so now she bids fairwell . for she is to tuck into that inviting nest of rest . so now it is known that what she had been saying was coming out of a sleepy self named know it all . goodnight .

2005-10-29T11:45:00.000+08:00

attitude of a divadashing , smashing .

tears on her pillow
as the headings suggests , she cried herself to bed last night . its strange how fate twists , one minute its full of suprises , the other its just another mundane routine of yesterday . sometimes she wishes that she had listened to him , take him seriously . but then again , how could she when he didnt even treat her the same way . all out to poke fun at her , all out to seek comfort and pleasure at her pride;s disposal . and she let it happen , it was fun wasn;t it . at least she confirmed her status with them then . but nothing in this torturous world is as good as it seems . she;d burst one day , and they knew it was too much . but that renewed her friendship with them . and she was somewhat happy . but happy didnt last . all his logics that only stood for what it meant literally , lead her on to thinking that they were just the templated jokes out to spike her - again . she continued to do what she had been doing with those reasonable - to - a - certain - extent logics , just obeying them for a short while , then off to her own freestyle attitude again . guess she pushed the limit and formed a barrier in that . after that one blow , everything seemed ablur , she had always been the one waiting to reconcile , apologising , stepping up . countless times . maybe its a one-sided thing . maybe its always been her wishful thinking . she;d go out with them , hoping for that right time to come , for that eclipse to appear , for that split second that would seem like forever . to no avail . she should stop now . she really should . but its childish after a while . this kind of behaviour would be like what a primary school ammature would do , not what a mature secondary teenager would . so she;ll leave it as that , let fate play her . she is tired to play around with fate .

attitude of that lost diva
then she asks herself again , what happened to that smashing colourful she once knew . what happened to that dashing sexy she once was ? those were spoilt by a long term process , her sefl esteem crushed , not only by the lost of a precious unmentionable , but through her peers regardless of dover or clementi . and now she as to step up , to that once burning inferno . she;s gonna come back .

2005-10-28T18:24:00.000+08:00

music sets her thinking

the past few days she has been finding excuses not to blog . but here she is now . her only motivation that got her fingers moving at the expense of her mind , was the power of song . its unique , how music can just set you on your feet , grooving it out . similarly , its wierd how music can set you weeping in one corner . and this girl gets affected by music , whether dull or bright , she can just switch from one extreme to the other just by the click of that reliable 'skip' button on her apple ipod nano . and yes , music does set her thinking of her lifes and its many splendours . and its more than many misfits . and this entry is evident of the somewhat claim stated above .

she has been burnt
tired of all life;s demands , she shuns away , again , from that figure that has been set ablur for months since march . she is fed up , no matter how much courage she manages to dig up from her guts even if she scrape its sides , no matter how many times she shoots hopeful glances and hints , or those uncontrollable twitches of her muscles right below her cheek . he just wouldnt budge . or at least , he sends the message to her that he wouldnt budge . so why ? she asks herself , why does she still want to cling on to this threatening cliff , one that is a thousand million feet above sea level . or rather , to her , its a thin silver lining that is half a cell thick . what does she get out of this relationship if it continues ? she is douptful , unsure , but still , she wishes to cling on , for at the end of that long and bumpy journey , appears to her as a smooth sailing ride . how promising is that . she holds on .

2005-10-25T21:45:00.000+08:00

randoms >

chocolate fondue
retro
love
hope
people
rain
-bow
church
chiangrai
guys
piano
moods
tears