4am wake up calls & little chatters behind.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Wouldn't it be nice if the world was Cadbury
Then KitKats and Time-Out bars can kiss their brown asses goodbye

How can I keep this up? This facade. This isn't what I really want. It's hard, the way we're supposed to be just friends. Its always been about how you weren't ready, how you didn't want it. Howabout how I really miss you, and how I was prepared to let you go. Did you even pause to think that I'd be heartbroken because I really am, even if I don't show. I'm a foolish girl for this man. You say you still like me, but is it for real? I know you're trying, but are You for real. Things are very uncomfortable now, with you around, and me, trying to talk to each other like before, negleting our past, what we've been through. The way you left me hanging. The way I kept bugging. I got annoyed. I guess you too. I steal glances at you, I admit. I know you do too. But the special feeling is subsiding slowly. Its crawling out of me, but I'm reluctant to let it go. Is this what I really wanted when I first saw you? No. Honestly, you were the last thing on my mind. But now, even if I don't want to talk to you smile at you look at you laugh with you cry to you be with you, I can't. Because of the obvious fact that you mean much much more to me than before and I miss you. I know its crazy to say this but even I've been with you everyday in school, you're just like a classmate and nothing more. I don't even think I know you anymore. That's why I'm so sad. We were supposed to be just friends. Why is it so difficult?? If I said that all of our past till now was fake, then I'd be lying. Because my feelings are transparent to you. Its not intentional that I make you angry or anything of that sort. But do you know that I always get angry because I'm unhappy because of your response to me? If this goes on I know I wouldn't be able to take it. Now you tell me that although there may be things I'm willing to do for you, there are some that you aren't willing to do for me. Thanks alot for contradicting yourself when you first asked for a time-out. That did hurt me. Obviously I'm not over you yet. Obviously I've been decieving myself into believing this was all worth it. In the beginning, I did't expect this feeling to last for this long. In the beginning, I thought you were going to be a fling, though you did want us to last. I'm sorry but maybe I didn't, maybe I was in only for the thrill. But time has its ways of playing with people. Now want to be with you for different reasons as before. Now, I realised how much you mean to me. But I know I mean less to you than before. Wouldn't you then call me foolish? Yes, I'm afraid. Of many things I don't want to admit. But one of those I can safely say is loosing you. So please don't treat me like that. Can't you hear my cries to you? Can't you see through my make-pretend eyes? Can't you just be a man one last time and do what you deem fit? Can't you? You just make me want to cry you know that. I've seen 4 different sides to you in this whole 2 terms. I can't say I'm loving the one you are now because it was the other I liked. But hey, there's just something about you. Just something.

I'd be lying to say I don't miss you, because I do, I really do. And it's aching my heart to see us this way.

& I'm lovin' it
18:06

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