SAMANTHA FOO.
SMURFIE
1T10'06 2T10'07
p
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Butterflies in a bottled mind,
they ram the walls & kill themselves


Monday > ACJC Concert with BFS & GFS = Missed classics.
Tuesday > Vaunt @ M.O.S. with BFS & GFS = Banging wild.


Sorry to those people who care, but
I still like Boris alot.





& I'm lovin' it
18:57


_________________
Sunday, May 28, 2006
Assume. It makes an ass of you & me.


Maybe because I liked you too much, thats why I'm having such a hard time trying to hate you. I can't bring myself to. I don't want this to carry on. It's childish. Why do we have to play tricks on each other? I've been through this in Secondary school. & now in JC I still have to go through it?! What shit is this. This is very Primary School if you'd ask me. Its the typical I don't friend you, you don't friend me shit. I mean like COME ON. Is it that fun treating me like furniture? Cos' I know it's darn hard treating you like one. Whatever happened to our first three month's friendship? FRIENDSHIP. I'm not even going to go after that. I know I was wrong in calling you a jerk, but sometimes you really are one. Just like I know that at times, I too am an ass. & too bad if you think that I'm emotional. At least I'm not emotionless, like a robot.


These few days that I've been making myself move on, I realised it isn't easy. I applaud you for being able to do so that quickly. I haven't been true to myself. I bluffed myself into thinking that I was in fact moving on, but I'm not. That I didn't care anything about this, but I do. I can't stand it, leaving things hanging like that. I am not letting history repeat itself. LJW gave me hell & shit O Level results. But he aced his instead. Deep down I really am sour about it. Just like how I'm turning to be. It's not fair, the way guys can just walk over. I admit that I'm emotional, but you make it sound like it's a bad thing. & if you'd already moved on, why the hell get so affected when I showed the girls my phone. Stop showing you care or its going to be harder for me.


We're just going to be classmates for now. I'm not going to intentionally avoid you or ignore you or anything of that sort for that matter. I'm not going to hate you. Its childish and unbecoming of people our age. Whatever you want to do, is your shit. I'm just going to let nature take it's course. & if I cling on, although I know it isn't good, I'm just going to cry over what I lost. Because I cannot pretend that I'm not affected, that's why I'm showing my emotions. I'm not paranoid. I'm just sad it had to turn out this way, like it did before.


I've decided to abstein from meat & fufil my role as a catholic now. I just want to be a better person, & on top of that, I hope to recover 2 dear friendships that I lost so close to me.



Prince Charming on his horseback, marry me to your castle & your riches




& I'm lovin' it
18:03


_________________
Thursday, May 25, 2006
I saw your face when I was dreaming,
That's why I woke up screaming


Today was unproductive. But tomorrow won't be. All the best to 1T10 for GP papers tomorrow! I'm meeting Claire & Jazryl for Subways tomorrow before the papers. I hope the food doesn't get to my blood circulatory system that I feel drowsy after that. I fear tomorrow's paper. I suck at GP and I know it. I really don't want to screw it up. So please my dear JC, hear my plea. (JC= Jesus Christ. Not Junior College.) I really have do do well for this. Especially for AQ and the whole comprehension section. & of course I hope my class does well too (:


WORLD CUP IS COMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TGIJ (Thank God Its JUNE) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
All the way GERMANY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Its a Black Red Yellow season!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
All those rooting for THE REST can go suck thumb and die. HAHA.
Cept for the England, Brazil and Spain fans too.
The rest are just uuuurrrgggghhh.


I'm a greedy girl. I'm AFM & JFM (+ ALFB). Its All For Money & Just For Money (plus A Little For B) Whoever B is.


Just for the record, I've never been fully recovered ever since I fell sick. Dates back to a few weeks ago (See previous posts). & now its kind of getting worse. I have a cold for getting drenched in the rain twice. Hope this doesn't affect my studies.


That sure stare into my eyes, overrides all your previous lies




& I'm lovin' it
23:14


_________________
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Stare at me,
my eyes burn for yours


Ok my 10 code conduct is too long. So here's one step at a time:

01/ Stop saying Fuck
02/ Stop eating because of unhapiness
03/ Start saving $ KACHING $
04/ STUDY HARD FOR EXAMS !

I'm going to make sure I keep to this. Mark my words.


My heart aches seeing my dad like that. I'm a bad girl. & I will make it up in due time.


You > I have to stop telling myself there's still hope because there isn't any left. If I keep pretending that you're still there, I'm not doing myself or you any good. I just hope that after the holidays whatever that's wrong between us disappears and we'd start afresh as friends or maybe only aqquintences, as classmates. I miss you, & I hate us like that. You don't deserve to be treated like that by me. I'm truly sorry things turned out like that. It's just not as easy as it seems, to be friends like how others can. Just trust me when is say I don't mean to hurt you. Give me time.


Jesus take the wheel, I'm trusting my life in You.




& I'm lovin' it
20:44


_________________
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
For love, beauty & grace,
please do not take that paper bag off your face


I'm going to stop being some emo kid like I was.

I
Am
Going
To
Take
Every
Step
As
It
Is
&
Make
Sure
I
Do
Not
Stumble
&
Fall
Because
This
Life,
It
Ain't
Easy.
It
Ain't
What
You
Think
It
Is.
It's
Taking
Time
But
At
Least
It's
Moving.
You
Can't
Say
I'm
Not
Trying.


I AM NOT A DESPERATE B GIRLFRIEND WANNABE.
So like everything else, when it comes, it comes.


I prioritise love&relationship as one of the most important essences in life. He puts it at rock bottom. So I guess because of this 1 difference, we can't carry on. Just that 1 difference. Too bad I guess.


I'm thinking of You at even at ME time, won't you run out like you did just fine




& I'm lovin' it
20:36


_________________
Monday, May 22, 2006
Everyday is just a template,
oh the mundaneness


I'm still lingering.
Teach me to walk on.
Like how he did.
Like how I'm gonna.
So boots, are you ready?


To see you everyday is a pain in itself




& I'm lovin' it
18:21


_________________
Saturday, May 20, 2006
Autum leaves & Summer just left


I'm glad that today I've been staying at home. Not heading out at all. Just some ME time! Because if I did go out, then I'd go broke like Mindy's aneroxic bank account & not have enough for GSS'06. So I stayed home & although I didn't touch me homework or school stuffs yet, I completed my 300 piece jigsaw puzzle! It was my first. And I am super proud of myself. :D

Yesterday was one hell of a tired day may I just say. The main highlight of yesterday's day, although should be the Arts Week Concerto, was actually the new and improved Choir Lunchtime Concert! It was a true showcase of friicking good talent of Cheryl & Andrea! I SO LOVE THEIR VOICES. Can you already taste the jealousy in me? HAHA.

After school was out to meet the CLIQUE! Like the typical us, some didn't show in the end. But what the heck?! Settlers proved to be, once again, the BEST place for us to hang out man! Me, Nes, Jerd and Tse. We left a hole 45mins late. Guesstures, Blockade & Taboo. The classics. You girls perk my life up.

Next was back to school for Arts Week Concert. I have just 1 sentence for it. I wasted 7 bucks on it.

That said, its time to pull up my socks and study well. I so fear retaining! So I cannot retain. I'll be the saddest person in town. But now I feel like eating Prata House for dinner! Cravings-


Dear mister ever so fair, just stop acting as if you care.




& I'm lovin' it
17:46


_________________
Friday, May 19, 2006
Similar in differences,
Different in similarities


Can't wait for tomorrow's Mini Lunchtime Choir Concert & CLIQUE OUT! & Arts week concerto. Tomorrow's going to be a busy day. And a happy day. I really need many happy days to come. I promised to move on, but it takes time. So slowly. And I hate the fact that I crack under pressure. The people in class are so smart even without studying or paying attention in class. & dare I slack off, I'm going downhill.

Benn, if you're reading this, please stop rubbing salt into the already open wound. It hurts ok. I really really am sorry for saying those things I said but maybe it was for the better. I'm also feeling very bad for causing a break in the class ok. I'll make up to the class in due time. Moving on was easy for him but it takes more time for me. I still like him but I have to force myself to move on just so he can breathe. Do you think I'd really be happy if anyone of you guys retained? Let alone him? I know I cannot take back what I said because things had been said and done. So just as all isn't lost yet, let me keep some pride for myself and stop making me feel even worse than I already am. In anycase, give time and it will heal. Just this wound has been opened a few times in the course of healing and its headed for full recovery now.

Ever wondered which hurts most-
Saying something you wished you hadn't,
Or saying nothing and wishing you had.
The answer to that for my story is simple. They both hurt as much. But when you realise that making something up made the person you treasured happier, it helps with the pain. If you told someone you loved them, they might break your heart.But if you hadn't, you might break theirs. Sometimes love is addiction, sometimes it hurts like hell, sometimes you just cannot get enough.


May I just say that although I'm not over him yet, I'm moving on. So for the benefit of me, please do me the favour of not talking about him&me, or assuming that my life is revolving around him that whatever mood I have is the cause of him, because its not.


The truth to that deliberate lie, can't it just pass me by.




& I'm lovin' it
00:25


_________________
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Oh, the thing I'd do for Me


01/ Stop saying Fuck.
02/ Stop chowing lectures, tutorials and choir.
03/ Start doing homework even at home.
04/ Whenon the computer, do the things really meant to be done & stop blogging or blog hopping so often.
05/ Stop dwelling on unimportant pasts, or things that shouldn't have been said nor done.
06/ Stop chanelling sadness to food!
07/ Start saving kaching $$.
08/ Stop trying to be someone else, live as who I am.
09/ Stop bitching around.
10/ Promise to move on.



If fate is the time & place, why am I still giving chase?




& I'm lovin' it
20:06


_________________
Monday, May 15, 2006
Dear kaching ever so fine,
won't you roll back in this lil' pocket o' mine.


Friikin broke!! I need ccccaaasssshhh!!


I'm soooo excited about the up and coming World Cup! Oh dear, I still can't put a finger on which country to support yet! But most probably either Brasil, Argentina, Germany or England. But I love Germany's colour. So there.

Darn it with the heaps of homework piling in. They don't give rest at all. Oh my Fuck! Chem test tomorrow!!! Oh shit!! Save me please!!! History is due on Wednesday & I'm only two and three quarts into annotations only. I have math FA, chem tutorials, history outlines and projects, ECONS PROJECT, GPP to type out, and the list piles on.

Mum's birthday dinner is sure going to put 10 pounds on me. It was Crystl Jade, go figure. That's why I'm glad I have PE tomorrow. Hopefully it does not rain. Please don't rain before or durinf PE.

I swear the heat is killing me! Come on, it's not until mid-day that I get the headaches and lethargy.

Can't help but feel bad, this facade that I'm at.




& I'm lovin' it
22:48


_________________
Sunday, May 14, 2006
It eats you alive
And burns through your skin


I feel friikin bad. I'ma mean girl. I was being childish, wanting not to lose and all. I want to say sorry, but I can't. I told him I wasn't sorry. And that I'd send him a postcard from J2 next year. I'm doing everything so that I can regret later. How smart right. Shit it. Tomorrow's going to be hell. I know he probably hates me now. Its going to be hell not because it's him. I'm over him. Its going to be hell even if it wasn't him. That thing I did, would do no justice to anyone. I would feel like this even if it were someone else. I know I did something wrong. And I'm apologetic. I really am. I said what I said out of anger. Maybe because Liverpool was playing like shit yesterday too, although they won. Truthfully, if I weren't a Liverpool fan, I'd feel unfair for West Ham United. West Ham really wowed the audience yesterday! But too bad Liverpool had a better goal-keeper. So back to the point, maybe I was agitated with their performance. Maybe him too. Thats why.


I can't even imagine the tension there's going to be.
I feel Fuck.
Please forgive me.


On another note,
BENN OWES ME ONE WEEK'S SUPPLY OF DRINKS BECAUSE HE BET THAT WEST HAM WOULD WIN. OBVIOUSLY HE WAS BEING A GOON. HAHA!


LIVERPOOL ROCKS!


I'm keeping January all the way to 21st March.
You can take the rest back if you want.




& I'm lovin' it
21:36


_________________
Those crocodile tears and elephant years



Finally, everything's over now. Its time to move on. I can heave a great big sigh of relief, because Stress decided to take a vacation. & put on those long fake lashes and thick black eyeliners. Splash the town bright hot red tonight. Rainbows that failed to appear were quickly replaced by the shining sun. That love, it was blind. It went astray, and its not coming back. So we'll see when the next one will pop out and say hi from behind my back. Surprise me. Life's back to the normal cycle. School > homework > eat > sleep. Goodbye unhapiness, Hello fun and exciting 24/7 of stagnant predictable routine.


Ladies, put on your fighting claws. Because one more time those stinky men walk over us again, we're gonna scratch the faces even after they beg for mercy!! Haha.

Men are like mascaras, they run at the first sight of emotion. Men are like teller machines, once they lose interest, they withdraw. Men are like laxatives, they irritate the shit out of you. Men are like chocolate bars, they head right for the hips. Men are like government bonds, they take eons to mature. Men are like popcorn, they satisfy you only for a little while. Men are like commercials, you can't believe a word they say. Men are like lava lamps, nice to look at but not very bright.


Dare I say its a blessing to be single now.




& I'm lovin' it
17:32


_________________
Friday, May 12, 2006
Love that went astray,
won't you find your way home


Just give me time to get over him. Let my heart ache this once more. I did what I did yesterday because it was just wrong to keep it in. Its settled now. I feel as if I said goodbye to him, forever. At least he did reply. Its going to be a really rough road to drive on, especially when we're classmates. I keep thinking of things I don't want to. Or rather, people I don't want to. Or maybe just the person I don't want to. I have to forget & forgive if I can. The best way for me to move on, I think, is if he could just stand there and let me vent my frustrations at him. He doesn't give a shit, so why should I? I'm getting sick and tired of his attitude. And he knows its been hard for me because of it. Yet he still does it. I really can't stand it already!! He just makes me so mad! He's breaking my heart right down the middle, tearing it in halves again, then shattering them it all over. He played with my heart, then chucked it aside. What the Fuck did I do to deserve this? I'm foolish for clinging onto him. And I'm not growing any smarter at all. And who is He to recieve my love? He wanted us to Give&Take. But what good is it if all thats happening is me giving him attention, the time-out and the break up. And all he did was take my sunshine and my energy away? Its his Fucking fault, and he knows it. Yet he still does it. Is that how a guy is supposed to treat a girl? All I ask is just for him to aknowledge my pressence. Not even to embrace it. I guess the little greetings and drop-by smses are just too much for me to ask of him. I don't want another guy. Now, I want him. Why is he so stubborn!!! I'm actually starting to hate him. But I guess my love for him overrides and superceeds the hatred. I'm just a goon. I really needed this class chalet. My 4B class chalet. Its really doing me good. Thanks guys. As for Boris, I wish him the best, when I beat him up on monday.



It's Your Fucking fault & You know it. Yet You're not doing anything about it. Thanks for ruining my life. I hope you're happy. Cos' you're not going to be for long. I'll be haunting every of your dreams.


Thank You world for Fucking my life. I'll be sure to Fuck yours back.




& I'm lovin' it
23:50


_________________
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Just a little pretence
could bring a better day



Head: Sam is such a foolish girl! 3, 4, 5 times she falls for the same trap. She's one stubborn girl unwilling to learn from her fall man!

Heart: No, she's just keeping compassion and believing in her beliefs.

Head: As if! Look at how she's wasting me away! Thinking of him, if not about issues concerning him, all the friiiiikin time! I could be better off with history readings and complex numbers in my head now! Sam, please, if you're listening (which you always are, only unwilling to comply), STOP THINKING ABOUT THAT BORING GUY!

Heart: Love is blind. You can't stop her from liking someone. Yes, I agree that I do get bodyaches everyday of the week, but I think its worth it. Sam is just not turning a cold shoulder. She deserves credit for keeping me alive. I'd definitely rather aches to refrigiration. Besides, its not all the time I'm aching. Just only when He's around. Its the same as how muscles function: they pump up fast and then have the wonderful aftertaste of aches.

Head: You don't mind, I certainly do! Can you imagine?!?! I mean, given my function, I would deem Samantha as a stupid, stupid girl. I mean, he's not even giving shit! Why should she?!?! Just get over that JERK already! He's definitely not worth her time and waiting. What on earth is it that she doesn't understand about the whole situation? Its as simple as ABC. Simply, He isn't ready for a relationship and he doesn't like me as much as she likes him. He probably isn't as affected as her even. He probably doesn't give shit. SAM!!!!! PLEASE WAKE UP!! I'M GIVING YOU A REALITY SLAP HERE!! DO YOU NEED SOME COLD WATER TO SPLASH ON YOUR FACE TOO????

Head & Heart: Sam, can't you see we're yearning to be free again? Please spare us the torture and leave him be. When it comes, it comes. When it doesn't, deal with it. You're not being the Sam we once used to know and love. Just because of this one guy. We really beseech you to think over waiting for him. Seriously, is it that worth it? Sam, you were once bold and out-goinging. Now, you're timid as a mouse! Be it Head or Heart, it's painful and useless for us to go on like this. You're not doing ourselve any good. People say give time. We know most of all that you can't. So then leave it be and just slowly forget, if that's the best way to come around things. Don't cling on. Either talk or leave. The choice is yours. But just, HURRY!



How cute. My head and heart are talking to me in perfect unison.

Just hang me, I can't bring myself to let go, even if I want to so much.




& I'm lovin' it
20:55


_________________
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
I NEED TO DIG A HOLE IN THE GROUND
AND BURY MYSELF 600 FEET UNDER.
I NEED TO PULL THE TRIGGER 60 TIMES
WITH ITS BURROWS ALL LOADED.
I NEED TO STAB MYSELF UPTEEN TIMES
AND UPTEEN WOULD STILL BE TOO LITTLE.
I NEED TO CRY BUCKETS FULL OF TEARS
EVEN IF MY EYEBALLS DROP OUT.
I NEED TO GORGE MYSELF DOWN WITH FISHBALLS
AND HOTDOGS AND BURGERS AND MEATLOAFS.
I JUST WANT TO DISAPPEAR FROM THIS WORLD NOW.
BECAUSE SOME PEOPLE ARE READING THIS AND ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO.
AND THAT DEFEATS THE PURPOSE OF THE TERM 'PRIVATE' I SUPPOSE.
SO THATS IT WORLD.
IF YOU DON'T SEE ME TOMORROW, PLEASE DON'T ATTEND MY FUNERAL.
BUT IF YOU DO SEE ME TOMORROW, PLEASE MURDER ME, THEN DON'T ATTEND MY FUNERAL TOMORROW.




& I'm lovin' it
19:29


_________________
Wouldn't it be nice if the world was Cadbury
Then KitKats and Time-Out bars can kiss their brown asses goodbye



How can I keep this up? This facade. This isn't what I really want. It's hard, the way we're supposed to be just friends. Its always been about how you weren't ready, how you didn't want it. Howabout how I really miss you, and how I was prepared to let you go. Did you even pause to think that I'd be heartbroken because I really am, even if I don't show. I'm a foolish girl for this man. You say you still like me, but is it for real? I know you're trying, but are You for real. Things are very uncomfortable now, with you around, and me, trying to talk to each other like before, negleting our past, what we've been through. The way you left me hanging. The way I kept bugging. I got annoyed. I guess you too. I steal glances at you, I admit. I know you do too. But the special feeling is subsiding slowly. Its crawling out of me, but I'm reluctant to let it go. Is this what I really wanted when I first saw you? No. Honestly, you were the last thing on my mind. But now, even if I don't want to talk to you smile at you look at you laugh with you cry to you be with you, I can't. Because of the obvious fact that you mean much much more to me than before and I miss you. I know its crazy to say this but even I've been with you everyday in school, you're just like a classmate and nothing more. I don't even think I know you anymore. That's why I'm so sad. We were supposed to be just friends. Why is it so difficult?? If I said that all of our past till now was fake, then I'd be lying. Because my feelings are transparent to you. Its not intentional that I make you angry or anything of that sort. But do you know that I always get angry because I'm unhappy because of your response to me? If this goes on I know I wouldn't be able to take it. Now you tell me that although there may be things I'm willing to do for you, there are some that you aren't willing to do for me. Thanks alot for contradicting yourself when you first asked for a time-out. That did hurt me. Obviously I'm not over you yet. Obviously I've been decieving myself into believing this was all worth it. In the beginning, I did't expect this feeling to last for this long. In the beginning, I thought you were going to be a fling, though you did want us to last. I'm sorry but maybe I didn't, maybe I was in only for the thrill. But time has its ways of playing with people. Now want to be with you for different reasons as before. Now, I realised how much you mean to me. But I know I mean less to you than before. Wouldn't you then call me foolish? Yes, I'm afraid. Of many things I don't want to admit. But one of those I can safely say is loosing you. So please don't treat me like that. Can't you hear my cries to you? Can't you see through my make-pretend eyes? Can't you just be a man one last time and do what you deem fit? Can't you? You just make me want to cry you know that. I've seen 4 different sides to you in this whole 2 terms. I can't say I'm loving the one you are now because it was the other I liked. But hey, there's just something about you. Just something.


I'd be lying to say I don't miss you, because I do, I really do. And it's aching my heart to see us this way.




& I'm lovin' it
18:06


_________________
Monday, May 08, 2006
Your hands to my hips,
My face to your lips


ANYONE OUT THERE TO EARN QUICK CASH???
I'll give my next month's allowance to whoever that completes the tasks below

01/ At any lecture, stand up during any lecture and start screeching like a crazy monkey.
02/ During assembly, when the National anthem is played, blast a radio to the max with 98.7 FM.
03/ Blow a kiss to Mr Michael Tan accompanied with 2 winks and a sheepish smirk.
04/ Run your handphone under the tap for like a minute.
05/ Come to school in a pair of sexy 4-inches heels on your PE day.
06/ Congratulate Shiley Chua on her new baby.
07/ Wear your skirt/pants at your waist, tucking in the blouse/shirt all the way, wearing jap-high sock length & pure white bata shoes for 2 whole days.
08/ Complain to the Fruits & Juices stall that their Char Kueh Teow did't have cockles in it, and demand for cockles or a refund.
09/ Throw your graphic calculator down from the last floor. 10 times.
10/ Sing a love song to Jek Suan.
11/ Tell Ben Tan to stop waxing his face, instead, shaving is less painful.
12/ Stage a mini coup. When asked why, just say its for fun.
13/ Go up to any teacher who owns a car, and tell them: "Haha, my car's worth trice of yours."
15/ Give your HT a hug when he/she next sees your class and tell him/her that it was a pleasure to have known him/her.


If you really want my allowance for next month, do the above stated. And when doing the above stated, you have to make sure I'm present to witness. I have to be entertained. For more enquiries, visit Sam at 1T10.


HI WORLD, PLEASE KNOW THAT I HATE TIME-OUT BARS AND KIT-KATS.
They just pile heaps of sadness into my life.


Sam is intelligently foolish, thank you.




& I'm lovin' it
18:54


_________________
Sunday, May 07, 2006
We were 2 inches past heaven
before we slid backwards


This lady, SAMMY
She rocks your PANTY
Cos she's so SEXY
She makes you HIGH!


Finally, I'm sick. Are you happy now? This is all because of you! You brought this upon me. On the outside it may seem like a slight flu, a common cold, a negligible headache. But they all lump together to form the most lethal illness- lovesickness. And it's all because of YOU, You & you. So be happy while you still can because when I get well, I'll be haunting every one of your dreams. You most certainly can mark my words on that.



Do you know what you make me feel? Let me tell you.
You make me hate myself. You make me detest my life. You make my insecurity flourish. You make my anguish explicit. You make my heart mourn. You make my eyes swell. You make me want to stab myself. You make me question my faith. You make me annoyed with your response. You make a decrescendo in my trust for you. You make my head spin like shit. You make me scream my lungs out. You make me lose my love for you. You're making me hate you.


Do you know why I'm a stupid girl? Let me tell you.
I'm letting myself trapped in this cruel game of love. I'm clinging onto the hope that we still can be together, but we cant. I'm assuming you still like me because you said so. I'm letting myself belief that the special feeling is still there. I'm allowing myself to be affected by you. I'm always letting you give me shit. I'm pretending that everything is alright. I'm convincing myself that there are no faults. I'm liking you.


And this is the cure to my illness right now-
Sleep, rest & with none of you in my mind.
OR,
Sleep, rest & with all of you by my side.

Obviously I've got to detox you out of my mind now, or I'll never get better.

Just shoot me, I'm a goon for liking you.




& I'm lovin' it
18:06


_________________
Saturday, May 06, 2006
4am wake up call & little chatters behind

Let me just say that a tired and hungry woman is an annoyed and angry woman. So excuse my uncouth grammer and vocabulary.

01/ Fuck the fucking headache thats not getting better.
02/ Fuck those 3 blisters on my feet which were already there a week ago.
03/ Fuck the television for breaking down.
04/ Fuck those stubborn pimples on my face.
05/ Fuck Amanda Leong aka my mother for blaming my pimples on not enough sleep and not her facial foam which my skin may be over sensitive to. And being a petty bitch for going on about it the whole night! I didn't even say her foam was bad. I just said my skin maybe sensitive to it!!!!
06/ Fuck my tree trunk thigh
07/ Fuck all the assignments and homework and tests and exams that are coming.
08/ Fuck that my hair is super ugly because its short and that its taking eons to dry.
09/ Fuck this inflemmation in my throat.
And finally,
10/ Fuck it-
______i>That I always feel insecure about relationship problems.
______ii>That I still want him but I can't want him.
______iii>That I'm not trying hard enough when he is.
______iv>That he keeps ignoring my messages.
______v>That I have memories to cling onto.
______vi>That we were even together.
______vii>That we see each other everyday but treat each other like beautiful furniture too
_________too precious to touch.
______viii>That I take flight at every chance we have to talk.

Life's not as pathetic as it seems
Met Claire then Eileen in town and shuttled to Great World for lunch at Yoshinoya. It was Timberlux Flea at Havelock later, a mere 30cents added to $2.40 from Great World. Mindy's and her sister's stall was on the second floor, which was obviously more happening than below. OMFG! WE SAW MR LIM KIAN BOON, who looked young and hip mind you, WITH HIS WIFE AND BABY DAUGHTER!!! SUPERR ADORABLE!!! I SWEAR HER EYES WERE READING AN ESSAY TO US. I got 2 tops which were $11 altogher. A total steal, a rip-off. Claire and Eileen got sooooo much more than me. Goldie was there too. Then it was down to Claire Chua's place for a video. Supposedly Brokeback Mountain but it wasn't there so we settled for Drumline, which was the coolest! Then home I went.
We should have more outings together Girls!

Loved today, dreading tomorrow.
Just 3 history readings to complete since one is with Alvin still. I'm Sure!

Perk yourself up
We were at Macs yesterday and our dear choir couple Xinlong and Sharmaine cracked me up. This was the joke to remember. Said in the Hong Kong accent: " Man walk sideways into departure hall, sure going to Bangkok (bang cock)." Haha.

Uuuurrrrrgggghhhhh! No, I don't want a Kit-Kat! I don't need a time-out, I never did. Get it, Boris?




& I'm lovin' it
22:07


_________________
Friday, May 05, 2006
Hop on back to Grandstand daysWhere gone was the stressload and much were the slacksBack to those 3 glances that brought him closer


Memories were meant to be looked back upon, to help brighten our day, to give us new meaning to carry on. And these give me the most reason to smile on everyday.

01/ The snippet of Jitterbug's portion of our mass dance at Plaza Singapura Gelare with 1tO8:01 as a forfiet.
02/ 2.4 mock run in the 1st term, where my last round was accompanied with your encouragement constanly at my ear.
03/ Orientation:02 where we sat behind the auditorium chatting with disregard of our surroundings.
04/ The morning calls you gave me to wake up for soccer matches.
05/ Our second dance. Only this time it was the Banghra portion of the mass dance.
06/ Crystal Jade's plain porriage dinner. Our first date.
07/ Our second date. Town to Holland V over NYDC and Poon Huat's swing chair and your shoulder.
08/ Simple and casual dinner at Essential Brews. That talk we had that revealed our mutual feelings for each other. And that pat on my head.
09/ We watched V for Vendetta. Went to HV for Haggendaz, and decided to make us official on another day.
10/ 180306. Our day, meant not only for me, but for us.
11/ You weren't dreaming but if you were, it'll definitely be all about me.



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ibrosirbosoibosirbosunshinebrirrbosirribiosbibrososbsbroisrbriosbriosrbiosribrsiosrib
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You gave me a taste of 2 inches away from Heaven and
I'd be lying to say that I don't miss You


We should just be friends for now.




& I'm lovin' it
23:29


_________________
Thursday, May 04, 2006
That truckload of uncertainties feel featherlite


Nostalgia, deal with it.
Boris and I broke off yesterday. I cannot say I'm entirely happy about it but I'm glad that it happened this way instead of the other. We sort of talked over the phone about how things were working and how we were going to improve it. We were actually under the wrong impressions that we were avoiding each other. To a certain extent, you can say thats kind of untrue because I am sometimes guilty of shunning away. But today was better. He said this before we hung up: "OK, so tomorrow when we see each other I say good morining to you and you say good morning to me." Apperently it didn't substentiate, but what the heck. Tomorrow's another day. I'm just glad we made a clear cut on things, and that I would not have to worry about being hung up or pressurising him anymore. I won't deny that I like him still, so YES! I still like him. And he still likes me too. Call me foolish but, I'ma happy girl. And Boris is the one and only guilty of making me like that (:


Because, love

Because of love,
the sky paints rainbows every morning
Because of love,
Those memories mean millions more than what I'm livin'
Because of love,
Everything seems perfect even if I wake on the other side of bed
Because of love,
I can find the strength to pull through the running dates
Because of love,
Cain & Abel wrap each other in hugs
Because of love,
Aries & Venus kiss and make up
Because of love,
I convince myself of your need to be free
Because of love,
I stare blankly at the phone screen for your message to me
Because of love,
countless nights I had to count sheep to slumber
Because of love,
I'll endure so our future would last forever
Because of love,
an outbreak of pimples pop out from no where
Because of love,
my diet turned upside down & my stomach's bare
Because of love,
chocolates taste bitter, coffee tastes sweet
Because of love,
small seems the task of of making heaven & earth meet
Because of love,
I'm going to let you puppet me with nylon-coated strings
Because of love,
I'll hide those tears of reluctance for the long waitings
Because of love,
we'll cross impossible dimensions together
Because of love,
I'll embrace your love that ends at never
Because of love,
these dreadful days seem to be worth
Because of love,
I'll wait as long as we are CJ smurfs
Because of love,
I'll pull through
Because of love,
I LOVE YOU !!!!!!!!!

(:



Joke of the day!
"So we'll be friends like before."
"Sure!"
Haha, I was making a statement, not asking a question. He sounded like he thought I was asking if we could be like before. But in fact, I was just ensuring that we'd be like before. He's so cute and he knows he is.

I'm just glad its finally over, and beginning again.




& I'm lovin' it
21:01


_________________